A quick one for today.
Flights are booked, travel insurance paid for and we're almost ready to go. We just need to fill out the paperwork for the Indian Visa and we are done with the easy part of the process. Also need to confirm our accommodation in Delhi, we are hoping to stay at http://www.indialuxuryhomes.in/. A number of other IP's have stayed there and it has had great reviews on www.tripadvisor.in/
We will be in Delhi in mid February and will be celebrating Valentine's Day and my Birthday whilst there. I will take this to be an excellent omen.
We continue to be happy with the service Dr. Shivani provides. Egg Donor & Surrogates confirmed and i will be expecting copies of contracts to come our way end of January.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Nothing to write about
I'm in waiting mode. Waiting for Christmas, waiting to see relatives, waiting until we travel to Delhi. Not much to say really, everything is on track and i just have to wait. I'm still anxious, but it is what it is- nothing i can do will change that.
Some of you have written to me asking if i am still happy with Dr. Shivani ( and her new business called Surrogacy Centre India - SCI) and yes i am. I am delighted in having 20 or more egg donors to choose from. I am comforted in knowing that my child won't have a half sibling running about somewhere else in Australia. My communication with her to date has been professional and caring- although there really isn't much to say at this point in time. I know from others who are further down the track that i am, have been receiving regular reports and scans, so it's all good.
For those of you in the process of choosing who you go with, ask the questions- there are some at the very begining of my Blog that you can use as a starting point. Be informed, voice your concerns until you are comfortable with your choice. Know that we, who have committed to an agency/service are biased - of course we are, we have given our money and our hearts to them so they can make our dream come true.
For those of you who have been battered and bruised by trying to adopt with the long waiting lists and now having countries like Ethiopia 'closed' out of the blue, be aware that there are alternative options out there.
Some of you have written to me asking if i am still happy with Dr. Shivani ( and her new business called Surrogacy Centre India - SCI) and yes i am. I am delighted in having 20 or more egg donors to choose from. I am comforted in knowing that my child won't have a half sibling running about somewhere else in Australia. My communication with her to date has been professional and caring- although there really isn't much to say at this point in time. I know from others who are further down the track that i am, have been receiving regular reports and scans, so it's all good.
For those of you in the process of choosing who you go with, ask the questions- there are some at the very begining of my Blog that you can use as a starting point. Be informed, voice your concerns until you are comfortable with your choice. Know that we, who have committed to an agency/service are biased - of course we are, we have given our money and our hearts to them so they can make our dream come true.
For those of you who have been battered and bruised by trying to adopt with the long waiting lists and now having countries like Ethiopia 'closed' out of the blue, be aware that there are alternative options out there.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Worrying about surrogates, egg donors and everything…
In an earlier blog post I wrote that you need to give yourself over to the process and I still believe that to be true, but the panic and anxiety is growing and I found myself getting into a smallish fight a dear friend. I WANT CERTAINTY. She (who remains nameless, but name starts with M and lives in Perth) told me to ‘suck it up Princess!’
For those of us in Australia, undertaking surrogacy is fairly new. We owe a lot to our pioneers who were the first and talked about it, the good and the bad, the evangelical and the scorned. Twelve months ago no one was talking about the thickness of a surrogate’s uterine lining, scans, how many embryos to use or selective reductions. Now we all talk about it, we ask more questions and we are more informed. I have no doubt that those going through this process in 12 months time will be even better informed than we are now.
But here is the thing, we are talking about a very human process and there are no guarantees. The best any of the clinics can do is optimise your chances. We’ve picked our Egg Donor, but she could change her mind, she may not produce the expected eggs, or something unexpected could go wrong. We’ve spoken to the doctor about our surrogate- what happens if she bleeds through or the uterine lining isn’t thick enough?
We pay our money and hope for the best – but how do we optimise our chances or should we?
We were going with a proven Egg Donor, now were not so sure. I am pleased that with Dr. Shivani you do have the Egg Donor’s history, so we know when and where they have donated previously and what the outcomes were. There is a limit to how many times they donate and they can only donate once to any country. This gives me peace of mind, because I was kind of freaking out with the idea that coffee bean would have a ½ sibling in Australia and we didn’t know about it.
If we go with an unproven Egg Donor, should we be greedy and go for two? It’s 70,000 INR and in the grand scheme of things not that much. Unlike some other services we get all the eggs – no splitting. We’re already blowing the budget and going with two surrogates. The chances of both getting pregnant are what they are and the reality is that fresh embryos have a better outcome than frozen.
Aaaarrrrg.
So here is thing people, this is stressful, but it’s nothing on the 2ww, first scan, the scan for a heartbeat, the screening scan … the list goes on. We’re so worried about the right Egg Donor, the right Surrogate we need to make sure that we’re ready. Not for parenthood, but for this process. It’s a long and bumpy ride, full of uncertainties but we need to make space for the journey.
We need to know that we can cope as a couple and that we have the support structures in place to deal with negative results, miscarriages, and the stress of not being there, of not knowing what is happening to your baby day by day. On average, it will take 3 IVF attempts with a young ED and a healthy surrogate before you bring a baby home. On average, so if it happens earlier, we thank the Gods, if it happens later – who knows?
The only thing that we can be certain of is that we’ve booked our leave and planned our flights and when we get to Delhi, John will leave a lot of swimmers behind. We will go with two surrogates to double the chance of getting pregnant. We will trust our doctor and service. We have plan A,B, C, D etc in place, we know our budget and we have agreed on when to stop. We have our support structures in place and now we have to give ourselves over to the process.
John is a one step at a time kind of guy - don't count your chickens etc. He is always telling me off for jumping ahead of the process, trying to plan for every contingency. I need to know, i need to plan.
In this situation I can't. I can't control the behaviour and choices of others, i can't make our Egg Donor produce 15 perfectly mature eggs, i can't make them all into top grade embryos. I can't make a surrogate get pregnant - and after that the list goes on, i can't control what the surrogate eats, breaths, listens to.
At some point, i will have to let go. Choosing the Egg Donor is important, but it does give you a false sense of control. The only way to stay sane is to give yourself over to the process, make space for the journey and let go.
I hate that.
For those of us in Australia, undertaking surrogacy is fairly new. We owe a lot to our pioneers who were the first and talked about it, the good and the bad, the evangelical and the scorned. Twelve months ago no one was talking about the thickness of a surrogate’s uterine lining, scans, how many embryos to use or selective reductions. Now we all talk about it, we ask more questions and we are more informed. I have no doubt that those going through this process in 12 months time will be even better informed than we are now.
But here is the thing, we are talking about a very human process and there are no guarantees. The best any of the clinics can do is optimise your chances. We’ve picked our Egg Donor, but she could change her mind, she may not produce the expected eggs, or something unexpected could go wrong. We’ve spoken to the doctor about our surrogate- what happens if she bleeds through or the uterine lining isn’t thick enough?
We pay our money and hope for the best – but how do we optimise our chances or should we?
We were going with a proven Egg Donor, now were not so sure. I am pleased that with Dr. Shivani you do have the Egg Donor’s history, so we know when and where they have donated previously and what the outcomes were. There is a limit to how many times they donate and they can only donate once to any country. This gives me peace of mind, because I was kind of freaking out with the idea that coffee bean would have a ½ sibling in Australia and we didn’t know about it.
If we go with an unproven Egg Donor, should we be greedy and go for two? It’s 70,000 INR and in the grand scheme of things not that much. Unlike some other services we get all the eggs – no splitting. We’re already blowing the budget and going with two surrogates. The chances of both getting pregnant are what they are and the reality is that fresh embryos have a better outcome than frozen.
Aaaarrrrg.
So here is thing people, this is stressful, but it’s nothing on the 2ww, first scan, the scan for a heartbeat, the screening scan … the list goes on. We’re so worried about the right Egg Donor, the right Surrogate we need to make sure that we’re ready. Not for parenthood, but for this process. It’s a long and bumpy ride, full of uncertainties but we need to make space for the journey.
We need to know that we can cope as a couple and that we have the support structures in place to deal with negative results, miscarriages, and the stress of not being there, of not knowing what is happening to your baby day by day. On average, it will take 3 IVF attempts with a young ED and a healthy surrogate before you bring a baby home. On average, so if it happens earlier, we thank the Gods, if it happens later – who knows?
The only thing that we can be certain of is that we’ve booked our leave and planned our flights and when we get to Delhi, John will leave a lot of swimmers behind. We will go with two surrogates to double the chance of getting pregnant. We will trust our doctor and service. We have plan A,B, C, D etc in place, we know our budget and we have agreed on when to stop. We have our support structures in place and now we have to give ourselves over to the process.
John is a one step at a time kind of guy - don't count your chickens etc. He is always telling me off for jumping ahead of the process, trying to plan for every contingency. I need to know, i need to plan.
In this situation I can't. I can't control the behaviour and choices of others, i can't make our Egg Donor produce 15 perfectly mature eggs, i can't make them all into top grade embryos. I can't make a surrogate get pregnant - and after that the list goes on, i can't control what the surrogate eats, breaths, listens to.
At some point, i will have to let go. Choosing the Egg Donor is important, but it does give you a false sense of control. The only way to stay sane is to give yourself over to the process, make space for the journey and let go.
I hate that.
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