Chai Baby

I am a Liebster award winner!

2012-01-27T05:29:00.003+10:30

Liebster is a German word, meaning dearest or beloved, but it can also mean favorite. The idea behind the Liebster Blog Award is that it is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers in order to create new connections and bring attention to these wonderful blogs!

Now with that being said, I must thank Mandy: http://ourmagicaljourney.blogspot.com/ for the nod, congratulations on the wonderful news.

I do remember when i first started my journey in 2009 and could only find two Australian blogs, both of which have already been nominated, Amani & Bob and the Tigerlilies, both of which gave us tangible evidence that Australians were doing surrogacy. Now i look at blogs from around the world, just brilliant.

I am thrilled with this next generation of blogs, sharing their journey, paying it forward. How many of us have received reports, emails or the dreaded phone call and then troll through the blogs to find the same words, diagnosis,measurements, fears and hopes.

Here are my top 5 picks and Liebster award winners in no particular order:

http://indianafricanleapoffaith.blogspot.com/ Temmy, a African women with an inspriational blog who is doing everything she can to have her baby, challenging customs, ethnicity and her own workplace.
http://theroadlesstraveled-lucylu.blogspot.com/ brave, courageous Aussie women who shares the joys and the challenges of this journey

http://delhidaydreams.blogspot.com/ - an Irish couple who have been on this journey as long as we have and are now pregnant - Hooray!!

http://ecaiozzi.wordpress.com/ Enzo, who has the first Ecuador ( South America) blog on surrogacy.

http://www.rastalesstraveled.com/ Insightful reflections on surrogacy & infertility from an American lass.

There were so many others but have been mentioned previously in other blogs, sharing your stories has given us evidence that we too, become parents. After years of infertility, they become beacons of hope and light.

Thank you

Favourite friends...

2012-01-16T05:51:00.003+10:30

I have shared many photos of my gorgeous God children, bur rarely any of their parents with Max & Lily. This is often because they have to wait in cue for a hold. Recently, there was no cue and Max & Lily were able to spend a block of time playing with their friends.

Lily was in a chillax'd mood and not up to much, except being adored & cuddled:

Another photo?

I just stay here and rest

While Max was a live wire, ready to dance, bop along, tumble,wave, walk and play, luckily his friends Pete & Joey were happy to play as well:

Showing skills in waving...

being tall

and mastering the touch phone which will be helpful cause then he can teach us !

We are forever thankful to our family & friends , they all make our lives much richer

New Years Eve & Indian Food

2012-01-02T03:41:00.001+10:30

New year's eve has come and gone with a quiet time at home with some Indian food, family & friends. ( John reminisced about years past and made some Blue Lagoon's & Mango Daiquiri's and then made some).

The babies seem so much bigger than the skinned rabbits we brought home in late March.

The babies are 10 months old. I have no idea how much they weigh now.Max is our big boofer, now in some size 0, some size one clothing. He babbles all the time and is mimicking words every day. He will say Dadadada and Mamama. In the last few days when we have put him in the bumbo seats, he has said "yum yums"? Max occasionally pulls himself up to standing position and is very impressed with himself.

Lily is catching up and quite happy in size 0 clothes, yesterday morning for the first time i found Lily on her knees pulling herself up in her cot. To date, she hasn't babbled as much as Max has, one of her favourite thing in the world is to miaw to the cats, especially our Siamese Charlie, who answers back. Bouncing is great fun as is chasing cats in the walker.

Both babies are very social, love engaging with other children and adults and are quick with a smile and a laugh.There is nothing better than hearing the babies laugh. Every morning they wake up with a squeal and a babble. They still both enjoy reading touch and feel books,Hairy McClary and Spot and listening to good salsa beat, although have been recently corrupted to country music by their good friends with the wonky Donkey story and CD.

So, just as i thought our babies are getting too big, here are Max & Lily in their new high chairs ( i think we'll stick with the bumbo chairs and trays for a bit longer). These were taken on the 31st, with Max & Lily having their first try of Indian food (Naan bread dipped in butter chicken sauce & prawn Malabari sauce);both sucking the naan bread down like champions.

Lily "I'll just keep sucking the bread and not waste any of the yummy stuff" don't need teeth

Max "if i keep on smiling will you give me more?" two teeth

For those keeping count, Max has two teeth, Lily, none!

Christmas Day

2011-12-28T04:10:00.000+10:30

Random photos through out the day...

Christmas morning with my new barn

My new train with animals

First taste of Chocolate, thank you Auntie Rosie

Max loves chocolate and will follow Auntie Rosie anywhere for it

The Girls of the Family, Laura & Lily, the best of Cousins

A meeting of minds, both young, both teething both celebrating first Christmas with their families

More Christmas photos.

2011-12-24T01:14:00.000+10:30

We wish all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I know that this is a difficult time for many of us, hoping, waiting and wishing that something would go our way. We are evidence that it can happen. We hope the same for you.

Here are some more Christmas photos from our family to yours, Christmas together is truly miraculous

Christmas sleepovers with cousins - hooray!

Great presents from Auntie Meg and my mate Toby, but i want the paper & box

Music box bees dance and so does Lily

Christmas tree theme: Gold & White & Red with a dash of cat

Christmas is exhausting

Christmas party & pressies and being adored by all

2011-12-16T04:57:00.002+10:30

The great thing about Christmas is family, friends and feasting. Max & Lily have got into the spirit of things by spending time with our God daughters ( our best friends, their parents) and their boyfriends.

I would recommend everyone get their own version, it's fantastic - you arrive to discover an entourage waiting for the babies. John and i get a kiss and a hug and then without asking, babies, prams, toys, nappy bags disappear from the car and us, only to be seen again when tears or dirty nappies emerge.

Lily

Max

In the Garden

My poor friend Kathy has to wait her turn, which is often at the end of the night when everyone goes their own way. Max and Lily in true party kid fashion, rather than go to sleep, make do with cat naps, so they are ready to party at the slightest hint of attention.

Max and Lily's highlights: sucking on a big piece of bread with their mates, sitting at the table with the big kids and eating the wrapping of their presents. Although my babies can both crawl, their feet barely touched the ground as they spend the night being kissed, cuddled and adored by all

Updates from us:

Both babies are crawling
Max is starting to pull himself up
Lily had her fringe trimmed
Max has curly hair
Max has two bottom teeth! Hooray

adoption - the bad news for Australians continues...

2011-12-14T02:13:00.002+10:30

I get very angry when people just blithely say, why don't you adopt, with no thought or research into statements, as if we jumped into surrogacy. Adoption is simply not an option.

For those of you not regular readers of this blog here are previous rants:

http://havingababyinindia.blogspot.com/2011/02/time-and-adoption-cons.html

http://havingababyinindia.blogspot.com/2010/12/australian-adoptions-slump-to-lowest.html

The numbers continue to decline, so from roughly 200 intercountry adoptions to roughly 175 for the whole of Australia. A recent report for my home state was around 26 adoptions.

Keeping in mind that there are now waiting lists to go to information nights which average 30- 50 couples running x10 per year, for each state ( and the ACT) in Australia.

Thank God for surrogacy, without which i would not have Max or Lily.

Adoptions in Australia hit record low

ADOPTIONS have hit a record low in Australia, a new report says.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report says there were 348 finalised adoptions in 2010-11, a seven per cent drop on the previous financial year.
It represents a decline of up to 90 per cent on the number of adoptions in early 1970s.
Twenty years ago there were 1143 adoptions in Australia.
The report attributes the decline to a decrease in the number of children considered to be in need of adoption and changes to adoption laws.
More than half the recent adoptions were overseas-born children.
The bulk of overseas adopted children were from Asia.
Chinese children represented 24 per cent, followed by the Philippines 17 per cent and Taiwan 12 per cent.
For the first time in two decades South Korea was not in the top four most common countries of origin for Australian adoptions

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/breaking-news/adoptions-in-australia-hit-record-low/story-e6frea73-1226221393747

Moments in time -gasping for air

2011-12-09T03:43:00.007+10:30

Today we celebrated our nephew's third birthday. He is the best of nephews and a great 'big Cousin' to Max and Lily.

His birth day is more poignant to us, as this was the same day that we got our results back that confirmed that that i could never have or carry John's children. So we did what many others have done before us, we put on a brave face, celebrated the birth of the first Grandchild in John's family, while everyone talked about us being next.We left with smiles on our faces and spend the next two hours in the carpark crying, sobbing, screaming in silence. Gasping for air over and over again; of what could have been, what should have been. I didn't think my heart could be more broken. John just kept on telling me he loved me, over and over again, trying to make this better.

This impacted on everything for us and to my shame, on our relationship with our nephew and my sister in law. For the first time we kept secrets from our families.

In 2010,we were full of hope when both our surrogates became pregnant only to discover my sister in law was also pregnant, literally within days of us; a dream come true for all of us. It's an old story now; both surrogates miscarried and we lived through what could have been, with John's sister's pregnancy.

I knew we were cursed when we lost our second baby days before by best friends wedding to which i volunteered to look after some little ones. So, for what seemed the longest time, we were broken, i was broken.Things got worse, failed FET, dead sperm, no sperm. F***!!!

Our families didn't know what to do to make this better, i forced myself to speak about our SIL pregnancy, because if i didn't, no one else would. Their guilt was ever present,a mirror to our grief ,... then eventually a nugget of hope. So dim, so distant with John determined to magnify it.

So today, we celebrated the birth of our nephew, as the much loved Auntie, gossiping with my friend, John's sister, watching our four children play together being supervised by their Grandparents.

I do look at our youngest nephew and occasionally there is a ache of what could have been, I look at John, he knows and tries to make it better with a squeeze of a hand, and brushes away the almost tear that threatens to emerge. Circumstances prevail, and we are both quickly overwhelmed with what is and what we have.

Miracles do happen.

Con babies!

2011-11-30T03:37:00.001+10:30

Yes, they look cute, almost angelic;looking at Mummy and not Daddy and the camera, but pictures are deceptive...

The culprits, Miss Lily and Master Max, the crime: Teething or lack of.

The name implies at some point in time their will be actual teeth. but no. For four months, we've had the red cheeks, the inflamed gums, the chewing and the drool.Enough drool to require regular change of clothing, bibs and mummy's dressing gown. Of course, you have the chewing, more grinding of gums than chewing, nothing is safe. To add to the pain, family members ask ridiculous questions such as " Has the teething stopped?". Stopped? It never started, there are still no teeth!

Then you get the nights with the red cheeks, the inflamed gums, the tears. slight fever with no sleep. Luckily we have had only a couple of nights when both twins went through this. Add to this the one visit to the doctor, to have confirmed that it was 'teething' and not some rare, fever inducing, red cheeked, gum inflaming virus.

Occasionally, there may be a raised ridge in the mouth, the promise of something, then nothing...

Con babies!

John & Photographs

2011-11-12T01:22:00.000+10:30

John had the chance to take some photos with his studio equipment and these are the results. Just gorgeous!

the drool just adds that bit more

Lily - mid roll

Looking at Mummy

Older women miss out on IVF births ( Definition of "older" is over 30!)

2011-11-09T03:11:00.002+10:30

The latest stats on IVF for Australian women makes for poor reading. Women between 30 - 40 have just under a 27% chance of having a live birth and if you are over 44 you have less than 1 % chance of success.

If you look add the stats for women 40 - 43 and those under 30, the combined pregnancy rate for all women is 25% with a live birth rate of 17%. What is important to note is that they include all ART, including women who make use of donor eggs.

What interests me is the focus on 'getting pregnant' which seems to equal making embryos, but in my experience and talking to others, there is very little effort that goes into looking at egg & sperm quality. People who are post 40 have a much reduced chance and i wonder if anyone is really talking to them about egg quality before they make this huge emotional and financial investment.

Older women miss out on IVF births

by: Sue Dunlevy

From:The Australian

November 09, 20111:00AM

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/health-science/older-women-miss-out-on-ivf-births/story-e6frg8y6-1226189426189

Fertility Society of Australia president Peter Illingworth said the increasing age of women undergoing ART was leading to a decrease in live delivery rates. The live delivery rate in 2009 was almost 27 per cent for cycles in women aged 30-40, but decreased to less than 1 per cent for cycles in women aged over 44.

There has been a 48 per cent increase in ART treatments since 2005 and there was a 14 per cent jump between 2008 and 2009 alone, partly explained by limits on Medicare rebates that may have prompted a surge in treatment.Of the 70,541 ART cycles in 2009 almost one in four (15,975) resulted in a clinical pregnancy and 17 per cent (12,127) resulted in the birth of at least one live baby.
About 3 per cent of women who gave birth nationwide received some form of ART treatment. Women using ART have an average age of 35.8, and one in four were aged over 40.

The rate of multiple births from the treatment has dropped from 14.1 per cent in 2005 to 8.2 per cent in 2009 as clinics try to reduce the risks to mothers and babies by implanting single embryos.

More Family Birthdays!

2011-11-06T22:23:00.000+10:30

Our beautiful nephew Lucas, turned one and we were invited to a small party. We all had a great time with family, Max & Lily loved spending time with their cousins. Mitchell who is almost three was especially loving towards the babies, helping me feed Lily and making sure that both babies had lots of loves and cuddles.

My favourite photo, the three stages of crawling as shown by Lily -commando crawl, Max - commando crawl/rocking and Lucas - crawling.

Lucas and Lily ( now 8 months) playing gently together. Lily is not use to having a boy playmate who doesn't push, tug or pull hair!

Everything they tell you is true, babies grow very quickly, blink and you may miss something wonderful.

Great story on 'A Current Affair' about Surrogacy with SCI

2011-10-31T19:54:00.002+10:30

I never thought i would say this, but 'A Current Affair' treated this couple with absolute respect and dignity, well done chaps for sharing an amazing story:

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8367632/gay-couple-become-dads-to-two-sets-of-twins

http://aca.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8367884

Just a reminder that this option is open to all, including those of us who have had years of infertility treatments!

Avo Valinha ( very old grandma) turns 95! ( small update)

2011-10-18T23:44:00.001+10:30

And a party was had, here are some photos of the youngest members of our family,my children with our family:

Max with his Grandfather

Lily and her Uncle Neil:

And the women of the day, my Avo with my sister's and my children, her great grand children:

I should mention that Lily is the spitting image of my niece Laura who is delighted to have someone in the family who looks like her. The consensus is that Maxie looks like John's side of the family an as such my father refers to him as the little Greek boy in Portuguese.

Playing with your cousin is always good fun!

2011-10-06T03:33:00.000+10:30

Spending time with cousins is always good. Thomas is always worried that the babies might forget him, this will never happen! James just likes to play and has made it clear that he will have nothing to do with the yukky stuff.

Max & Thomas

Max & James

Thomas spent as much time as he could with the babies, this time feeding Lily

Miraculous

2011-09-24T05:58:00.001+09:30

What a difference four months makes:

Lily in her bath

Max in his bath

Six months and life is wonderful

2011-09-17T21:47:00.001+09:30

Our babies are our absolute joy.

At six months, Max is rolling across the floor and begining to to a bit of a shuffle. Lily rolls on to her tummy does a bit of flaying about and then screams. If Lily wants to move, it's on her back, pushing herself along with her legs and a bit of pelvic thrust.

Where have my little babies gone? Lily was a little skinned rabbit, Max just a bit bigger. Now look at them. They both love yum yums, watching cats, cuddlesand listening to music. Even on the grouchiest of days my babies will always give us a smile.

We feel blessed with our happy happy babies. So without further words, please find Max & Lily at six months:

Lily

Max

Lily in the bath

Max loving his yum yums

Lily on Daddy's tummy

Max in the bath

Happy ( Aussie) Father's Day

2011-09-05T01:42:00.000+09:30

Happy Fathers Day to all the Aussie Dads out there, especially all the first time Dads, including my beloved husband John. A special Happy Fathers Day to my darling man and for everything you did to get us here, with much love.

And now some of my favourite photos of John with Max and Lily

Surrogacy pains

2011-08-29T22:40:00.002+09:30

Did I tell you that i believed my parents and sister (yes the ones in all the photos, the grandparents who visit x3 per week and the sister who lives 800KMS away and has already visited x3 and planning her fourth visit) would never accept our choice to do surrogacy, or never accept a grandchild/niece & nephew from an egg donor?

That I agonised and tormented myself for months, keeping secrets, not telling them knowing the grief and disapproval I would receive. I made myself sick with the anxiety and worry, I grieved over the potential arguments’ and loss of family support- I was wrong

Did I ever tell you i thought we were cursed? That i was being punished by our miscarriages, dead sperm and negative results, failed cycles. That there was some cosmic plan which said CC& John will never be parents. - I was wrong

Did I ever tell you that we didn’t tell anyone till 16 weeks because I was convinced that we would lose these babies as well – I was wrong

Did I ever tell you that I thought the curse continued when at 24 weeks I truly believed that we had a dwarf with no legs and a baby with a giant head ( not based on any actual evidence) just my own paranoia, causing Dr. Shivani a huge amount of grief - I was wrong

Did I ever tell you that I didn’t believe that we would actually ever hold our babies in our arms, or of the Gods were kind to me they would leave me with one baby ( when I talked to John, always said baby, not babies, the basis of many arguments) – I was wrong

Did I ever tell you that when we got the phone call letting us know our surrogate was in labour, I spent the time thinking about what would go wrong – Nothing went wrong.

These are our surrogacy pains. They are longer, more drawn out than any birthing process. They rob us of the joy and wonder of being pregnant. We are constantly reminded that getting pregnant is hard, staying pregnant miraculous; that this process is not fair, just or kind. Some of this is of our own making; some of this is about surviving the process. Unlike any other pregnancy, our support comes from strangers from around the world.

When you have your baby, everything becomes easier (even surviving shingles and being in quarantine in Delhi and not being able to see your babies). The last bit of madness is getting home, with every hic cup being magnified as something that might stop us from going home - It doesn't

But, and here it the big But, when you have your babies and when you finally are going home, everything else fades (it doesn’t disappear, the stains are always there, on your soul). The miscarriages, the missed attempts, the failed attempts, the exotic flus and whooping coughs, the dead sperm, paying for surrogates & egg donor we didn’t use, the grief of using an egg donor, the hurt, the sorrow, the anxiety, the fights, the worry, the bureaucracy – these are our birthing pains.

Like all birthing pains, no-one’s is the same as anyone elses and you can’t compare journeys, but there are consistent themes that run through our stories. Anyone who thinks surrogacy is the easy option, think again and read some of these blogs from the beginning.

We, who do surrogacy are a brave, resilient tribe of people, we believe that miracles happen and we are privileged to be part of a community who gets to see these miracles being born every week. What i know to be true is that in one of those weeks, the baby being born will be yours.

How did they get so big?

2011-08-01T01:52:00.000+09:30

Well, we've hit five months and Max and Lily have become so big ! When did that happen? Where did my little babies go?

How did they get so big? Where are my little babies?

And as with most important parenting choices, it was in the "well, why not?" category. First taste, no bibs, a bit of mess and a lot of laughter at the pulled faces.

I'll just push it all the food out

What is this stuff in my mouth?

Things taste much better with my hand in my mouth!

So what else is there left to say?

We are nearly always tired, but happy and amazed that these babies are ours. Max and Lily continue to do well, we are blessed that there seems to be no developmental delays despite being born four weeks early, although they remain on the small side (although Max seems like brusier to us). They both hate tummy time, but have started to push themselves along on their backs ( something i use to do according to my Mum). The volume of both babies is now on loud.

Life is good.

Much to be thankful for, our family

2011-07-18T05:17:00.002+09:30

Thank you for the subtle hints for more photos. So here are photos of Max & Lily with various family members doing family things, eating, singing, changing, playing and just being adored...

They are getting so big, Lily is almost out of her 000

They talk - well babble and squeal with a bit of squeak.

2011-07-05T03:28:00.002+09:30

The last few days have been amazing. We've had laughter since 10 weeks old and proper babbling from about 12 weeks, just soft mutterings, talking to us, to teddies and cats. John, i and grandparents have been singing to both Max and Lily who smile at their favourite songs and have begun to mimic our mouth movements.

Over the weekend we started to get squeals from Max, followed by Lily with squeaks. We had no idea what it was at first, but now we get greeted by squeals of delight.

Today, i was in the kitchen and i heard this very loud scream and cry. Both John and i rushed in from different points of the house, thinking something horrible had happened to one of our babies, only to discover that Max had found his volume control. He is officially and suddenly very loud! Fortunately for us, he is still Max and when he sees us, we get created by a lovely smile. Not to be outdone, Lily's squeaks are getting louder, clearly in an attempt to reclaim her title as the loud one!

Our house has become noisy, isn't it wonderful.

(and yes, thank you for the comments, photos will follow)

Happy Conception Day Max & Lily

2011-07-03T02:49:00.000+09:30

One of the weird and wonderful aspects of this journey is that you do know a lot about your babies, from the moment of conception onwards. This time last year our babies were conceived and looked something like this today, 12 months ago.

How miraculous is that. On July 4th, they were transferred to our wonderful surrogate H, and now we have 17 week old babies.

(There was going to be some cute shots of our beautiful babies, but after the bath and cute outfit, Lily chucked up on all of us, requiring more bathing and changing and then after the feeds, it all got too much. )

So, today, Dr. Shivani and her team are in both John and my thoughts, they made our dreams come true. We have gone from being a couple to being a family, having fur babies to real babies ( and fur babies), from being cursed to blessed, from sleeping in to being sleep deprived.

Our life gets richer and we are more blessed every day.

PS. Auntie Rosie & Uncle Neil with cousins are coming for an impromptu visit - Hooray. My gorgeous nephew Thomas is concerned that Max and Lily are growing too fast and will miss him if he stays away too long.

Does the age gap make that much of a difference?

2011-06-18T03:01:00.001+09:30

a much smaller Lily

A much larger Max

a much smaller Max

just a bit bigger ( and it's Lily)

Finally family of the heart, all together

And despite the age gap, things are pretty much the same, a bit of play, a bit of food and a sleep

Guess who is 12 weeks today? Then and now

2011-05-27T01:25:00.004+09:30

12 weeks ago today, John and i were blessed with the most joyous news in our lives, we had finally became parents. Dr. Shivani called us to let us know that our babies birth was imminent. John and i lay in bed, cuddling each other running through last minute variations of names and the panic of what might go wrong.. Then the phonecall came, to tell us that we had a boy and a girl.

Then
Pretty sure that this is Lily

And this is Max

A few weeks old

Max & Lily

Now

I just realised that Max is always on the left, and Lily on the right - how odd??

Max ( aka Maxie)

Lily (known to be called Lilypilly)

Max has just doubled his birth weight and is 11cms longer, Lily is just a smidge below doubling her birth weight, but is 13.5 cms longer ( but still our wee little thing). They both laugh and smile, enjoy tummy time, most of the time and there is nothing better than looking at a face. In the last two weeks both have started to babble a lot. Who knew there were so many stories to be told?

The bottles are ( mostly) bigger ( 150 - 180 mls) and we can go 3 1/2 to four hours between feeds, but we have't given up on the 3 am feeds. Watching cats is always good fun as is having good kick. Max & Lily love being under the musical mobile, having a bath and still hate having a bot change.

It feels as if Max and Lily have always been a part of our lives, who knew it had only been 84 days!

The most remarkable 84 days of our lives.

The best of Days

2011-05-08T22:32:00.005+09:30

Today i had the best of days.I had a great sleep in. Max & Lily and John spoilt me with brunch in bed and some lovely presents. My Mum & Dad and Grandmother came to vist the new mother ( and spend time with the grand children!)

Mum and Grandma with Max

Grandma & Max

Dad & Lily

These are my favourite photos of the night, Max and my Dad laughing. It was the first time that Max and Dad really interacted with each other. The best present ever

The best photos ever

On the homefront, the lounge is a work in progress and we have a mice plague in Adelaide. Whilst we were in India some mice made themselves at home in our pantry. YUK!!!! Our pride of cats now have to earn their keep with varying sucess. The pedigree wonders can catch a mouse, but then tend to play with it until it escapes. Thank goodness for the rescue moggy, this is the face that stands between us and invasion

MICE BE AFRAID! THIS MOGGY DOESN'T LIKE PLAYING WITH HIS FOOD!
Unlike some other pedigree pussycats we could mention

Our Twins - updated

2011-05-04T03:38:00.002+09:30

Max & lily

Baths

2011-04-28T23:48:00.003+09:30

Here are some photos of the most beautiful things in our lives. Please note the concerned black cat

Max in his bath

Lily in her bath

Worried Cat

After bath- Max

After bath - Lily

It's the older children (fur and otherwise) that suffer

2011-04-28T03:44:00.000+09:30

John and i were reflecting on how much our life has changed.There are obvious changes, Max and Lily of course, no sleep,everything revolving around a 3 hourly rotation,an obsession bottle washing and laundry, a penchant for wearing dressing gowns during the day and the desperate need for Nana naps. Conversations are now about wet/dry nappies, how much formula was drunk and were the wipes are.

Here are the changes that we didn't anticipate:

For the Fur people in our family, well they're just not getting the regulation 18 hour sleep breaks, but as soon as i have a nap, they're in bed with me:

At just a few months ago, we would have been entertaining these two, now they are slave labour!

There are no photos to show this,but our relationship with our families and friends is now re-defined by our beloved babies forever. Conversation with everyone now starts with " How are babies?", or "where are the babies?" lastly, said with a bit of a tone " You didn't leave the babies behind- did you?".

I knew that things would change, that the first 12 weeks would be tough , but there are some things i didn't know :

It took me three days to realise that there had been an earth quake in Japan.
There are days that i write on the calender when i had a shower to remind myself to take the next one.
I constantly forget what day it is, and with the three hourly routines, some days day and night can be a bit blurred
My workplace send us the most beautiful flowers and i literally could remember my office phone number.
We lost John's work shoe's, have no idea were they are.
TV dinners are not that bad and our local Indian restaurant ( which doesn't deliver) considers having twins an emergency and now the owner drops off our order.

But at week 8:

There are more days that involve getting dressed than not.
I still can't tell you what's in our fridge ( But John and Mum can) and the local Chinese place has agreed to the definition of delivery emergency.
I now make a point of watching or listening to the news once a day and i can even tell you the day of the week.

Easter and the Family - part three

2011-04-26T03:58:00.003+09:30

This is a bit blurred, but this has as much to do with our very fast nephew as it does with my bad photography. Our much loved nephew, Mitchell who was intrigued by his new cousins.
Lucky Max & Lily, to surrounded by family of the blood, of the heart and such dear friends.

Easter and Family - part two

2011-04-25T00:08:00.009+09:30

My sister and brother in law sucking in every possible moment with Max & Lily.

Today at the large family lunch, we had a contingency waiting for us ( yes we were late). People ( Rosie & Co) literally waiting on the door step, as soon as we arrived they whisked the babies away leaving John and i to unpack the caravan of things that we now need to keep lily and Max in the style that they have become accustomed to.

Earlier in the week my Godfather and father came to the house to visit and help. I have an ongoing bet with my sister to see how quickly my father will say:

" I think they are cold, put them here, next to me"

or the classic

"They look hungry, i think they are hungry.Have you fed them yet?"

Easter and Family - part one

2011-04-23T21:16:00.008+09:30

Lily and Max meet their oldest cousins Thomas & Laura. Pretty much love at first sight for Lily who just adores her cousin Thomas.

PS: Both Laura and Thomas believe that we will know that our twee things have grown when they are bigger than the cat!

Somethings just don't change- or why we love our Phil & Ted Cocoons ( E3)

2011-04-16T18:45:00.012+09:30

We have had a few enquiries about our cocoons,the wonderful Phil & Ted E3 cocoons. We got them based on the recommendation of others who had multiples. The reason for E3, was simply that they were on sale at half price.

They are great, you have an instant cot and travel aid, they fit into the airline bassinets and now if we go anywhere, they come out of their car seat and into the cot and on to family and friends floors, sofas, beds etc. As a nervous mum, it means that they are always close to me.

The slings, we didn't use so much while in Delhi,but are quite handy for night time feeds when your arms get tired

Delhi

Travel

Home

Now (Max)

(Lily)

And the cats, well they are all a bit concerned about not getting their required 18 hours sleep per day, but some of their toys look interesting:

Our Delhi Apartment - Tulip House

2011-04-06T23:01:00.022+09:30

I have had a few emails asking whether we would recommend our apartments to stay in. I am sorry i have not got back to you individually, but please take this as a group answer - YES. With caveats.

It's an Indian apartment in a posh part of Delhi, if you are wanting Western standards with slick finishes this is not for you. The beds are hard, but to be honest, after the first few nights we were so exhausted we didn't care. There are brown outs, but there is a back up generator, you need to remember not to flick the switch to turn off your water heater which is next to the light switches and some of the finishes are not exactly finished and some of the electrics are creative.

But,if you want your own space, a place to cook, to do your own washing, watch television this is for you. If you want to feel safe at night when you come home from a restaurant, have someone else clean your mess and have enough space to get away from your beloved for whatever reason this works. If you want a space with great WiFi access ( much better than Australia),easy to find placw for food and market deliveries and not so many steps to walk up, book this now.

You have the option of a cook ( we never took this on), the cleaners come in once a day and we had fresh towels and sheets a couple of times per week. The Delhi Times was delivered in the morning and we had water delivered every second day. Oh, and if you stay there, Pizza Hut, Mad for Donuts, Shalom and the markets Morning Store & Nature's Basket know the address well.

Take it for what it is. For John and i, this was our first space as a family which makes it more precious to us than it probably is - possibly with a touch of tinted rose.

So, photos of a lived in apartment:

Family of the heart

2011-03-31T23:17:00.003+10:30

Yes, yes, i promise to write more about travel, Delhi and accomodation, but i couldn't resist these photos. Our godchildren holding their godsisters. I think these photos are just gorgeous.

The families of our heart had grown.

Lara & Lily

Joey & Max

We are home ( and the curse is lifted)

2011-03-31T01:53:00.004+10:30

We are HOME!!!

I still have so much to write about Delhi,our time there and our trip home, but i thought i should let people know we are home.

I must commend Indira Gandhi International Airport and Singapore Airlines who both have the best customer service, both going out of their way to help both John and I with Max & Lily (and our excess luggage of 45 cans of formula). As others have found, having twins gives you a bit of superstar status with everyone both respectful ( no touching the babies) but eager to help.

As we commenced our descent into Adelaide, i burst into tears as i realised that with the help of Dr. Shivani and SCI,our dream had come true. We have our babies and they are home. So, contrary to previous thought patterns,either we are not cursed, or the curse has lifted. I now firmly beleive the former.

Our family is home.

Most brilliant update

2011-03-25T03:23:00.004+10:30

Max and Lily are officially Australians with passports and everything. The journey was not smooth, but as others have said, the passport section are brilliant, doing everything possible to help.

We went to the MHA after the Australian HC , a fifties building with all the feel of a sixties spy noir movie. The place was filled with internationals from all over the world, all we needed was a man in a trench coat and women slinking by in a gown to finish the picture.

Instead we meet some Gray nomads from Oz about to travel through Pakistan, South Korean business men in expensive suits ( but great lollies that they were willing to share) and many in exotic garb with babies in slings ( us included, although i don't know if John's Beatles t-Shirt counts as exotic garb).

It's another page in our children's story and like most things, it is what you make it. For those who have yet to experience it, reasonable seats, air con, but what we will remember are the amazing mix of people and stories.

The most important thing is that we have the brown envelope and a appointment tomorrow at 12. 30 at the FRRO.

Living in Delhi

2011-03-24T21:12:00.009+10:30

Life has become overwhelming with all things to do with babies, but today's post is about our guide to food and other essentials while living in our apartment in Delhi.
Groceries

For the very important Diet Coke, Sprite, Seven – up, bread, juice , toilet rolls, Dove soap, Corn ships ( Doritos), cream cheese in a jar,jam, peanut butter all at a reasonable price, we use : MS- Morning Stores, NKM PVT LTD ( M 41, M- Block Market). Once you have been there and see what they have, they will happily deliver ( 011 292 44381) to your apartment. If you do a big shop, they have men who will carry your groceries to your car. These guys think nothing of ordering 48 cans of Diet Coke (Don’t Judge me!), Doritos etc. for delivery

Nature’s Basket – Authentic world food shop, M 68 , M Block Market ( near the corner), will also deliver. This is where you will find supplies of pasta, pasta sauce, olive oil, cheese ( cheddar, Brie, Gouda etc.), Asian curry mix, nice, fresh veggies, quality ice cream, Kit Kat, Mars Bars, Chips ( Crisps), Arnott’s biscuits, breakfast cereal and down stairs at the back they have a small fresh quality meat section with Chicken breast, Lamb, mutton, sliced cold meat etc.

You can go to the supermarket at City Select, but you will be paying literally double for everything, but if you are desperate for Reece pieces, sausages,bacon, Twinnings tea etc. this is the place to go

Baby Store
Dezine Kids – M40 – M Block ( 011 41633079) We used this for all things baby, Pampers Nappies are around 350 INR a pack of 21. Please be aware that these are much larger than our new born size. Pampers are the equivalent of Huggies, so no leaks etc. We have brought clothes, baby wraps, wipes etc.

Chemist
VIVA – Your family Chemist – Cross the road from M- Block market, shop number S- 13 A, Ground Floor GK1. They have a female pharmacist who speaks English and is very helpful. Following Edward and Paul’s advice, we brought 40 cans of the Hi calorie formula for $5.15 a can.

They delivered them to the apartment the next day. This is a great place for over the counter medication for most things, but note that unlike back home you don’t get your items in a box, but in a small brown bag and some items that are doctor prescribed back home are pharmacist prescribed here ( migraine medication). Also great for nappy rash cream.

Spring Water
We have 20 litre bottles of Spring water delivered every second day for 75 INR.

Butchers that Deliver ( Chicken, lamb, mutton: both fresh cuts and prepared items)
Republic of Chicken : Shop No. HS - 21, Gr. Floor, Kailash Colony Market, New Delhi
011 46593687
View Menu :http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-2/republic-of-chicken-deli-1129/menu#tabtop

Take Away ( or delivery as they call it)
We found this great website call: http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-1?category=1&page=2 . Not only does this site give you the listing for all the restaurants in your area, all the restaurants that deliver, but you can also check out the menus.
Which tells you all the restaurants that deliver in your area, you just need to give them a contact number (Delhi phone number) and your address. Here are some of our favourites:
1. http://www.shalomexperience.com/ - our favourite, mediterian, great delivery

2. http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-1/mad-over-donuts-3589 - Great Donuts, do a 12 pack of fabulous chocolate Vegetarian donuts for 400 INR for a dozen. Great gifts for nusing staff etc.

3. http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-1/the-coffee-bean-and-tea-leaf-3481 - great sandwiches, coffee etc

4. http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/kailash-colony/cafe-27-kitchen-2583 - lovely Italian, Lebanese

All the fast food places are here, with an Indian twist ; mainly chicken, fish and Vegi items, with Pizza Hut doing Pepperoni Pizza and Chicken Sausage Pizza. There is also a Dominos and KFC, all of which deliver but we haven’t tried them.

5. http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-1/mcdonalds-174

6. http://www.zomato.com/ncr/restaurants/south-delhi/greater-kailash-gk-1/pizza-hut-260

One of the great benefits of SCI is Rahul and his (much more than) taxi service. You can hire them for the trip, half day or full day. So we felt very safe going shopping or being adventurous and checking our some of the local restaurants knowing that we had a car waiting for us. So, one thing that is very easy is your choice of food and grocery items. Please don't feel the need to bring stuff over, it is pretty much all here .

Bath time at Casa Delhi

2011-03-22T00:44:00.004+10:30

I think both babies look most alike when wet and sharing their displeasure at the indignity of their bath time. Jessie, our night nurse, quickly takes over as both John and i manage to get very wet and she keeps on asking who is having the bath, us or the babies?

Max

Lily

Perceptions

2011-03-19T04:30:00.006+10:30

Anyone what has read this Blog will know that this journey has not been smooth, we’ve endured consecutive miscarriages, unexpected poor sperm quality ( and the associated dramas), both John and I getting sick with a variation of the Flu that we were not included in the latest Australian flu inoculations and whooping cough ( me) on our return from Delhi.
Now we are here, finally in Delhi and the hic cups continue. John got shingles ( caring wife; "suck it up princess, i am going to see our babies") and was quarantined for 5 – 7 days, were he couldn't see his children or anyone else for that matter. As a consequence all things immigration had to wait.
Last week we started to try and make contact with the Australian HC to start our immigration process with very little response; we emailed on Tuesday, with a return email on Wednesday clarifying our chosen DNA service, then nothing, nothing on Thursday and nothing on Friday.
After some sage advice from Gem, I began ringing the HC every hour and then every half hour, eventually we had success with an appointment for a DNA test on Tuesday. (As it turns out the contact person had taken some leave, with no replacement).
DNA test on Tuesday morning with test results guaranteed late Thursday or Friday. So, today, a quick phone call to discover that our Fed ex package, with Max & Lily’s DNA samples had taken the scenic route and only arrived in Australia Friday afternoon and had yet to arrive at the lab; so no results likely until early Tuesday morning at the latest.
Bad luck? - More likely just life that’s happening in between your best laid plans. Everything is happening and will happen, probably all just a week later than we would have liked.
Singapore Airlines were very accommodating about changing our flights to a week later and made sure that we have the all-important bassinette seats. SCI have been fabulous with their support and have negotiated so that we don’t have to move from our accommodation and been very helpful with travel assistance getting to and from everywhere we need to go.
John and I would take every bit of bad luck on this trip and journey for the good luck and blessing of Max and Lily. If this is what it takes, it is a very small price to pay. This is the big picture stuff, this is what is important.
Our only advice is plan for the best, budget for the worst. We have been blessed with this pregnancy, everything has run so smoothly and we couldn't ask for a better service than SCI, but who could have predicted the contact person in the Australian HC taking leave, the scenic route of our DNA samples or John's shingles?
At the end of the day it doesn't matter,we have Max & Lily. We will take advantage of every extra bit of time to bond with our babies before our real life intrudes on our family once again.

The next few Blogs will be about Delhi, John will share all the fabulous shopping spots & supermarkets he has found that deliver ( and yes we have found diet coke) We will update everyone on details of our apartment( which we love), living with help ( something that will never happen again, I am sure) as well as tips on how to survive Indian feast days colour free

Just Photos

2011-03-16T04:51:00.005+10:30

Our nursery set up

Max

Lily

We are in love...

2011-03-14T23:37:00.010+10:30

More Max & Lily

Life is bliss in our Delhi flat;John and i are obsessed with all things Max and Lily and are making the most of this special bonding time together.

Yesterday we succumbed and made use of the much praised and needed night Nurse that others have spoken so highly of. We found Jessie to be wonderful. We were concerned about having someone in our space, having someone take over, but none of that happened. Instead Jessie has just fitted in with us, laughed at babies squirming while trying to change them, learned how to sing the 'soft kitty' song from Big Bang, but told me that Hindi lullabies were more suitable.

But the best bit, the absolute best bit was when Jessie held either Max or Lily and they heard our voices and looked for us. Max and Lily recognise Mummy and Daddy's voice.

Max

Lily

P Plate parents

2011-03-09T00:59:00.010+10:30

Max and Lily are very forgiving of their beginner parents. The nurses have done a wonderful job of the babies routine. Lily wakes up every three hours on the dot ( 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, midnight, 3am, 6 am, 9 am) for her bottle, Max follows 15 minutes later. Both are taking between 40 ml - 60 ml, followed by a burp.

As Meg predicted, i spent most of last night jumping to every noise,and then panicking when there was no noise with little sleep for Mummy.This morning was spent lying on our bed just looking at them.

John and i each have skills, i am an excellent burper, John changes a nappy like no ones business, we each struggle with the wrapping, thankfully both suck their bottle down easily, although Lily can require a bit of tickling to stop having a snooze mid way through.To balance this,we both have been peed on ( Max on me, John with both Max & Lily), both has spit ups and both had torturous screams that last minutes but seems like hours.Neither like having their nappies changed and the top and tail this morning was clearly an affront to everyone's dignity.

Here are some of our favourite photos over the last 24 hours:

We will be getting our birth certificate's tomorrow and have a meeting with Mr. Chawla on Thursday. In the mean time John, I, Max and Lily are getting to know each other.

liberation plan in play

2011-03-07T05:45:00.005+10:30

Today John saw our babies through the glass. Tomorrow liberation will occur, (although this has yet to be confirmed by the pediatrician), unless someone has the plague those babies are coming home!
Our favourite Nurses start their shift at 2pm, so that is when we will go, with a dozen chocolate donuts to say thank you. The plan is to pick up babies and formula and head back to the apartment where we can get to know each other.
I also have the baby blue book to fill out, ask Shilpi's help to get started on with the birth certificate, the discharge summary and copies of their medical records.
Tomorrow, John will get to hold his babies.

PS on the food front, with the help of the SCI team we have found a number of places that will deliver ( as we have been in quarantine) to our apartment. Last night we had a real beef burger ( huge) with fries, there are a heap of Italian places, a Mexican place, lots of Indian, Chinese and kebab places, Macca's, KFC and Pizza Hut also delver. Our favourite at the moment ( besides the American pub, which also has steak and salads) is a place called Shalom's, which is filled with Mediterranean fare and a Lebonese restuarant whose name escapes me. There are also a few butcher's that will deliver lamb, mutton and chicken, with pre- prepared Kiev's , kebabs and tikka's and the like that we are eager to try. John has discovered all the cake and dessert shops as he is convalescing;his favourites are the Donuts, frozen yogurt and ice cream shops!!
It has been such a hit that SCI will be sharing the menu's with all IP's in the GK1 & 2 regions.

Firsts for Mummy

2011-03-05T04:04:00.011+10:30

Today was a day of a number of firsts. I got to feed Lily ( 40 ml in 15 minutes) with minimal tickling required, one of the nurses fed Max at the same time and both opened their eyes and had a good old look at their mother, although the room was quite shaded and i couldn't quite make out their eye colour, but they are dark. Clearly the most beautiful babies on the planet.
John was much better this morning, but has really crashed this afternoon. He is on the mend, but it is taking it out of him. I have already talked to Dr. Shivani about getting some extra help for when the babies come.
Now the important bit, baby photos, please forgive the odd angles, i was doing this one handed while the babies were leaning agains my chest:

Lily & Max together

Max

Lily

Delhi update

2011-03-03T22:51:00.004+10:30

Meeting our babies for the first time was both emotional and poignant.I was lucky to have Dr.Shivani with me while i wept and held them. Where was John you ask? Well the skin allergy became more irritable as our travels progressed, by the time we reached Delhi the rash had progressed and was down one side of John's face and neck and chest, the slight rash was now blisters with pus, excellent.

When we arrived, i made a frantic phone call to Dr. Shivani who organised us to see a specialist first thing in the morning. So with little sleep and John in pain we went to a very posh hospital to be told that John has shingles.

So for the moment, no joyous meeting with our babies as a family and John is in quarantine at our apartment. We can't start our immigration process because they want John. So it looks like we will be in Delhi another week which at the end of the day is no real hardship.

The heartbreak is watching my husband's pain of not being able to see his babies.

PS: accomodation is great, people are lovely and our babies are doing well but remain in hospital until John is cleared. More updates and photos to follow

Off to Delhi today!

2011-03-01T08:05:00.002+10:30

Not much more to say but last minute packing is sooo much fun.
All in all a new experience, one bag for us, one for babies, lets hope Singapore Airlines are kind to new parents. John has had a moderate allergy reaction which means he is covered in welts. Excellent.

New parents and welts, please be kind Singapore Airlines.

The most important bit of this email is that in 16 hours we will finally meet our babies.

more photos from Delhi

2011-02-27T23:47:00.005+10:30

Thanks to G who is currently in Delhi after the arrival of her twins, who was kind enough to take photos of our two "bruisers".

Max

Lily ( who indeed has the girl nose that John kept on seeing in the scans)

Photos & update

2011-02-26T23:26:00.003+10:30

Our surrogate's water's broke unexpectedly this afternoon and she was rushed to the hospital were Dr. Aarti preformed a C-Section. Our surrogate is doing as well as can be expected and is resting comfortably.

Here are the photos that you all have been asking for. This is Max who is the spitting image of John. Max came first and is resting comfortably with a bit of oxygen
Lily came next and is a bit smaller than Max, but both are good weights for twins. As she is a smidge smaller, she is on some fluids at the moment which will be reviewed tomorrow. Lily is letting her presence being felt by having a good cry.

Now of course Tuesday cannot come fast enough. Thank you to Dr. Shivani, Dr. Aarti and all the SCI team, and of course to the wonderful Shilpi who goes out of her way to take photos of not just our babies, but everyone babies who arrive just before their parents.

We're a family now, or as John put it, " I'm a parent now and not just to fur babies".

Babies are here

2011-02-26T19:38:00.005+10:30

We received a phone call 45 minutes ago from Dr. Shivani with crying babies in the back ground. They were our babies!

Max William ( 2.4 kgs or 5 pounds & 4 ounces) and Lily Jacinta ( 2.1 kgs or 4 pounds, 10 ounces) have been born.

John and i are finally a Mummy & Daddy.

Waiting...

2011-02-26T17:00:00.003+10:30

This part of the journey is driving me a bit nuts in the best kind of way. The best analogy i can come up with is being a kid at Christmas.

We have now reached the same milestone as the Christmas Eve boys which is brilliant, but daunting. We just can't wait. I keep of dreaming about babies, boys, girls, one of each. The reality of this journey is really hitting home. This time next week, i will be a Mummy and John will be Daddy.

On the practical, we still need to clean house, start packing the piles of things all over the house into suit cases and a myriad of other things that need doing. My sister and Kathy will be so proud, i have lists everywhere.

I can't wait to get to Delhi.

36 weeks and all is well

2011-02-24T17:06:00.002+10:30

John and i are in hyper vigilant mode, with every phone call causing a jump.
We do this in the context of a multiple boom in Delhi with some fellow Aussies, with their gorgeous three little ones, some adorable twin lets who managed to get home to the U.S in 8 days and now the news that our friend J has had two beautiful girls and our fellow Aussie G has managed a pigeon pair.
Everyone is coming and going so fast i am not sure who will be there when we arrive. I think J & A from the UK and John and i are the last of this current baby boom, but it looks like we will be the last there. J, i am looking forward to having a cuppa and watching our babies while we sent the men out to hunt and gather.
So, our little ones are staying put for the moment, but that can change quickly. I have always had a feeling that they would come this Friday/ Saturday, but John thinks they will wait for us to arrive. Regardless, we have been blessed with a problem free pregnancy and could not have asked for a better journey. Thank you SCI, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Now, if only i can get Meg to stop answering my phone calls with "are the babies here yet?" or the daily texts from my sister. I promise, i will call as soon as we know. We all know the longer they stay the better, so please little ones, stay put and grow strong.

35 week update - part two

2011-02-19T02:24:00.005+10:30

We have been a bit out of sync with our scans etc and were very happy to receive one today. At this stage there are no lovely pictures to share, but we look at Dr. Jolly's report for the important stuff, weight, movements and that liquor is adequate.

Both Twins are doing well, one is tracking at 33 weeks and one at 34 weeks with average weight, height etc with their gestational age not changing at 35 weeks. It's about now that singletons start really putting on the weight, but less so for twins.

I have ceased to be worried about the difference between gestational age and our babies average height, weight and various circumferences. It is just an average based on some mathematical equations, we will be tracking differently to singletons and each of our babies are unique, so they won't be the same. I know obvious, but difficult to understand at different points in our pregnancy. I know go with the mantra, "if Dr. Shivani isn't worried, i shouldn't worry". Much more relaxing.

The gap in weight between our twins became more obvious at around 29 weeks and has now increased to around 370 grams, although scaning weight at this point in time is very difficult. The littlest one is just over 4 pounds ( 1850 grams) which is a relief, the larger twin at 2220 grams.

I remember something that Lisa ( Tigerlily) said which was then quoted by our doctor: "with twins you want to pass 34 weeks and 4 pounds". So, we've done that, but a longer stay and a few more grams wouldn't go amiss.

Dear B1 & B2,

Mummy and Daddy are pleased that you are growing so well. Please stay safe.We look forward to seeing you in March,

much love,

Mummy & Daddy

Note: Congrats to Americans on baby pick up at the moment with SCI, getting out in 8 -12 days! Kudos to our Friends from the UK who are in Delhi for the long haul, enjoy your time with you babies. Can't wait to hear how things progress for the Aussies .

35 Weeks

2011-02-18T02:29:00.003+10:30

Everything in our house at the moment is about getting to Delhi and meeting the Beans, although we would be more than happy for them to wait a couple more weeks. Numbers seem to resonate strongly for me at the moment. I know it’s about control, but they just stand out!

• 14 more days until the planned meeting of the beans
• 12 more days until we leave for Delhi
• 30,000 hits on the ego meter for this Blog – I really wish I knew who you all are?
• Oh, and my birthday, is forty something too old to be a first time Mum. I asked John and he looked at me wryly and said, “bit late now sunshine!”
• Weight of the bags – shit, too heavy and we haven’t finished packing yet
• 4 days on maternity leave, 12 left to be one of those “Ladies who lunch”

I know that like all the other parents, this journey does not seem real until the doctor puts you babies in your arms and tells you that they are yours. What i didn't know was how agonising these last few weeks really are. This journey is all about rushing about, becoming frantic, worrying and then waiting for nothing to happen as you hope and pray for a problem free pregnancy ( which most are). With each step,each scan, each email you think the wait gets easier, but it doesn't. As things progress you just believe that something will happen to take it all away from you. That this is just the universe's way of taunting you.

So no more than 14 days of this belief that something can take this all away from us, that we are in someway cursed? No. According to many dear friends who are now parents, the worry, the anxiety about your children stays with you forever, thankfully not always this heightened.

Welcome to parenthood?? We can't wait.

34 Weeks+ 2 day

2011-02-13T00:45:00.005+10:30

Friday was my last day of paid work for a while. I will miss my colleagues and work with clients. I won’t miss the bureaucracy& paperwork with the increase in paperwork being directly proportional to a decrease in actually getting anything done.

Now about my new job; we are very blessed at this moment in time, with a government supported paid maternity leave scheme for 18 weeks and other work related schemes the transition from paid work to home work will not be as tough for us as it has been for other families in previous years. I know that some IP’s have difficulty accessing their maternity/paternity leave requirements; i am so pleased to say that this was never an issue for my work place. Even though the word ‘surrogacy’ is never specifically mentioned in our guidelines or EB agreement, HR told us that it was the intent of the provision rather than the specific wording that mattered. I am going to be a mummy, so I am entitled to maternity leave. The HR consultant just called in the mummy/daddy rule – doesn’t matter how you get there, just that you are a mummy.

The most important news of the day is that we are 34 weeks and 2 days today. Our last email let us know that the twins and our surrogate are doing well. Our surrogate gets to see lots of Dr.Aarti, which is very reassuring. We are due for a scan at the end of this week which will be a brilliant birthday present.

This time last year we were on our way to Delhi. Valentine’s day was spent getting orientated to Delhi, discovering M-Block markets and having a lovely chicken dinner cooked for us by the chef at ILH. Three days later on my birthday, we were at the Taj Mahal – the tickets with my birth date stamped on them take pride of place on our pin up board in our kitchen, along with various photos, pamphlets and the many other paper trails that come with any kind of travel.

So much as happened this year; Ok, not everything, the research, the saving the planning happened in 2009, but all the practical bits of this journey happened in the last year. We traveled to Delhi, became pregnant with two surrogates, lost two babies, discovered compromised sperm, tried again, became pregnant , went through ( and are still going through ) the worry and the anxiety with added bits of truly brilliant madness at different points in time.

And now we are here. We went to a Chinese New Year function organised by our dear friend Bernice; when we told another Chinese friend about our last year, she put in down to being ‘Goats/Sheep’ and having to live through the year of the Tiger which is frantic, fast paced and ferocious, especially for us goats and sheep,( possible trying to escape the Tiger?). It is reassuring to know that this year of the Rabbit is much kinder to us. I will be much more relaxed and going with the flow, rather than fighting it, which explains why I have ceased to be worried about the nursery. It will happen when it happens, the babies won’t care.

Visa's, DNA paperwork & tests and copies of birth certificates, marriage certificate, passports etc have all been complete, notorised and with the originals in the folder, along with a few bills etc to our current address. All we have to do is pack.

This is what 34 weeks +2 days feels like. It is good

Time and International adoption- the biggest con ?

2011-02-05T20:23:00.009+10:30

Forgive me for the rambling post. The great news is that we’re 33 weeks and two days. This is what the foetal development web sites say:

http://www.pregnancy.org/fetaldevelopment/week-33
Our other favourite site is the visible embryo: http://www.visembryo.com/baby/pregnancytimeline.html
and this one which you can set up for your own personal timeline:
http://www.pregnology.com/due-date.php?cycle=28&month=1&day=01&year=2010&o1=2&omonth=7&oday=01&oyear=2010

On the personal front I have one week left of work, which is pretty weird in itself. I didn’t realise that it would be such a huge shift in my thinking or being. A few years ago I finished a MBA with a specialty with the aim of working towards broadening my employability and giving me an edge when competing for a promotional position. That was the plan and now it looks like it has changed forever.

We knew that we would never be able to carry our children and 4 years ago we realised that we would never adopt -we wanted to, but with the rapidly declining adoption numbers and significant waiting lists, we realised that we would never get to the top of the list. I am very thankful for the colleagues that i knew in the adoption unit and their frank conversations. They saved us years of waiting, heart ache, stress and anxiety and dollars on assessments, information and education sessions, medical and psycho social assessments that would get us on a wait list to nowhere. This has been confirmed by the latest statistics from the federal government that confirmed that there were just 200 international adoptions last year for all of Australia.

Why do I go on about this? I am angry at the platitudes and false statements continually repeated to those of us who can’t carry children “You can/should adopt”, most recently said by politicians, repeated by the media and others who state this as fact. They don’t know or talk about ten year waiting lists, $30,000 in costs just for assessments, training, and approvals etc that expire in 4 – 5 years only to be repeated again.

No – one tells you of the current waiting/approval list which number easily over 10,000 families across Australia. So, let’s see, 10,000 families across Australia ‘waiting’, 200 international adoptions a year – how many years does that work out to? At best this is the states taking advantage and revenue raising, at worst, a con.

This is a Blog entry from last year, the stats continue to get worse: http://blogs.news.com.au/naughtycorner/index.php/news/comments/the_end_of_adoption_in_australia/

Four years ago we realised the truth about adoption, Two years ago I found out about surrogacy, just over a year ago we were in Delhi and now we are on the cusp of being parents and i am about to take 15 months off to start learning how to be a Mum. We are feeling incredibly blessed and excited about our babies. It's just i never thought it would happen to us. Never thought i would be a stay at home Mum.

Deep breath...

32 weeks - Woohoo part two

2011-01-28T21:05:00.004+10:30

We just received the most wonderful surprise in our email this evening. Three lovely photos of our beautiful surrogate Haseena looking as if she was carrying two babies. Haseena as always was smiling beautifully, looking quite content. The best news was that she had had her check up with Dr. Aarti and everything looks fine. Life is good.
As i was writing this, i just realised, if things stay on track, five weeks today we will be meeting B1 & B2. I just got goosebumps.

32 Weeks - Woohoo!!

2011-01-27T12:02:00.007+10:30

We are 32 weeks pregnant and everything is going very well. We feel truly blessed and want to thank Dr. Shivani, Dr. Jolly and everyone else at SCI. So here are our two gorgeous babies:

According to Dr.Jolly's wonderful report everything is on track, with both babies around the four pound mark, one over and one under. The best guesstimate has a 200 gram difference between the two, but we are very aware that the weight estimate on the scans is not very accurate at this late date. We are very mindful of our wonderful surrogate Haseena and the considerable load she is carrying.

The most important thing for us is that we have passed the 32 week mark with no issues and the babies at a good weight. The Visa's have been sent off and the DNA tests will be paid for next week.

So all the 'important' ( read bureaucratic) things have been done and now we wait, and focus on finishing the nursery ( well actually painting it) and the hundreds of other things that need to happen before we go.

B1 & B2, please stay put,get stronger, but on weight and let those lungs develop & synapses continue to connect and grow.
We look forward to seeing you in early March,
much love,
Mummy & Daddy

The poll

2011-01-25T02:48:00.002+10:30

Now we are getting to the business end of things ( nearly 32 weeks) more than one of you has requested a poll. So here it is, vote and tell us why you voted the way you did.
It's up for a month, so here is hoping that the twins stay put.

31 weeks

2011-01-21T11:29:00.007+10:30

OMG - we're 31 weeks today
In case i forgot i have family & friends who are on baby count down in different ways:

My sister - one week until 32 weeks when the babies are less likely to need high intensity NICU
My work colleagues, three weeks until i commence my maternity leave ( never thought i would be taking maternity leave - has anyone else freaked out about being a stay at home mum!)
My Dad, 6 weeks until the babies areborn, 9-10 weeks until they are home, time to finish the nursery and other jobs around my daughters house
John's parents: babies are coming soon, what help do you need!
Fairy God Children -So how big are they, when can we hold them, March is so far away
Pammy ( Serious Godmother material) - So what is the schedule, i have school holidays in April and i need to block out...
Kathy ( also Godmother material) - Babies are coming soon, we need to sort out clothes and begin list of...

We are very blessed to have family & friends who are physically and emotionally there for us. Over the Christmas holidays, my sister and brother in law did some hard physical labour helping us move things out of the house to the Testosterone Temple, we couldn't have done it without them. You don't raise children by yourselves, but i hadn't realised how much babies bring everyone together.

My count down is a bit different, i still can't quite beleive that we are having babies, so my count down is around tasks i need to do:

Prep the baby & Master room for painting
Fix the windows in the Master bedroom
Paint the rooms
Varnish the floors
Send the visa applications in NEXT WEEK
Pay for the DNA test - NEXT WEEK
Start to pack the baby bag
Do everything that everyone wants now that people realise that i will only be at work for 3 more weeks.
Make copies of our birth Certificates, Marriage Certificates, passports with VISA for when babies were conceived, copies of bills etc for proof of address and get everything certified by JP at work

We continue in wanting to copy the Christmas Eve boys twin pregnancy, so B1 & B2, we look forward to seeing you in 6 weeks, stay put till then please.

OMG - we will have babies in 6 weeks or less!

Why NSW surrogacy laws are not good policy and other things

2011-01-19T23:29:00.009+10:30

Why NSW surrogacy laws are not good policy
The proposed recent changes to the surrogacy laws in NSW criminalising commercial surrogacy overseas is poor policy based on emotion and uninformed opinion. Any legislative amendment that is put in at the last hours of a new policy being passed, with no consultation from the community, no discussion with those involved and based on someone's preconceived notions is always suspect.
What community consultation was had on this amendment, who did people speak to? Where is the evidence that children's lives are compromised or that surrogates are exploited? Others tell me that they ‘know’ or that they watched a documentary. This reminds me of the knowing statements of the past. Clingy mothers made their sons Gay, over involved mothers made their children autistic, the list goes on...
Regardless of your beliefs around surrogacy, an amendment, that was placed in legislation in the last hours of debate, with no research, evidence, discussion or consultation and impacts on the one in five families that has infertility issues is both poor practice and poor policy. Why is no one concerned about the process of this legislation?

So Why not adopt? The Big Con
This is the huge myth, the con that we tell our infertile families to give them hope and is often sprouted as fact : "there are millions of children around the world who need families, you should adopt". Figures released by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare show last financial year there were just 412 adoptions. 412 adoptions for the whole of Australia!
It is even more heart breaking when you consider that the majority of the 412 adoptions are internal, i.e a step father/mother adopting a step child, which leaves us with less than 200 international adoptions for all of Australia.
There is currently well over 10,000 couples approved and waiting to adopt and many more beginning the expensive and time consuming process of 'being approved". Most are being told that there is a 5-10 year waiting time. After paying ten's of thousands of dollars with the various approval processes ( yes adoption is very expensive, $20 - $30,000 in a variety of fees,assessments, training days, payments, taxes, approvals etc and then the "voluntary payment" to the orphanage of a further $30,000 as a average),with the majority never become parents, simply dropping off the waiting list as their approval’s expire and faced with the time consuming, emotionally wrenching and financial draining process of ‘being approved’ again. At the same time, the con continues as we have waiting lists in most States to simply to attend information seminars on how to begin the process of adoption.

My thoughts on Surrogacy
Others will decry the commercialization of women and their bodies, so why is it that Altruistic surrogacy is OK? Everyone else gets paid; the doctors, the lawyers, the psychologist, the infertility specialist, but not the one person who is being poked and prodded and is actually doing the work and carries the risk? I have much more of an issue as to how a women’s caring role, whether it is being the carer to a family member, a surrogate or some other caring role is so important, that we don’t pay for it.
And can we please be clear about the reality for the majority of Australian couples. This is not about being too posh to push, or a whim to have the latest accessory. Under current Indian guidelines, heterosexual couples need to have a valid medical reason as to why the female partner cannot carry a child to term.
So, welcome to the world of cancer survivors, failed IVF veterans,women who have had many miscarriages, late term loss of a babies,the survivors of ovarian cysts, growths, tumors’, hysterectomies, early menopause, endometriosis and a plethora of other health issues and you begin to see my peers. Don't compare us to movie stars and the like. It insults us and our history.
Ahh, you say Surrogacy in India, we know about that! Really, where from? Because when i started this journey, it was bloody hard to find out very much at all. Well, you're undertaking surrogacy in India, so the surrogate must be some down trodden, slum dweller who is no better than an indentured servant. Really? The reality is much more boring; down trodden slum dwellers have very poor health and therefore poor health outcomes. They simply do not make good candidates for surrogates. Most are working class women who have excellent health, are informed about their choice and chose to carry a child/children who had no genetic link to them.
Our surrogate, a women with a sound mind, who made an informed decision to help us and to assist her in meeting the needs of her family - her girls will be able to attend school and have financial security previous unheard of for her family. Our surrogate made an informed decision, met with a Psychologist to ensure that she understood all the implications and that the decision/consent was hers to make. As with all surrogates in India, the children she carries has no genetic link to her. She is very clear that she is not the mother to our babies.
This same legislation that aims to protect her on the assumptions that she is weak minded and must be protected from 'herself' also ensures that she loses one of the few opportunities that will make a real difference to herself and her family.
The proposed legislation in NSW states that it is important for children to understand their heritage and where they come from. This legislation will do the opposite, it will make this incredible journey a secret, where the risk of telling might mean Mummy or Daddy go to jail, are labeled criminals or lose their house to pay a fine.
My journey, like many others, comes after 15 years of infertility treatments, miscarriages, invasive treatments, hormone therapies that never worked.Our desire to have children has never diminished. No one can ever say that our babies were an after thought or a fashionable accessory come to us on a whim. Like many of my peers, homes have been re-mortgaged, loans undertaken,decisions made that will impact on our financial future for many years to come.
My children's will know that they are wanted, that a wonderful women in India helped us have them and that we traveled to the ends of the world, literally, emotionally and financially to have them. Our children will know their story.
Here endth the rant.

baby update - 29 and a half weeks ( Hooray)

2011-01-12T02:10:00.005+10:30

We had a scan last week, no cute pictures to share, but we had the comfort of Dr. Jolly's report and Dr. Shivani's review.I am going with time old mantra, no phone call from the doctor is a good thing.

Our babies were 1155 grams and 1153 grams respectively which is roughly two and a half pounds each.Both have all their bits and pieces with one in a breach position. Everything is comfortably normal. Our surrogate, likewise is doing very well.Our aim is to emulate Christmas Eve Boys with their twin pregnancy and birth and so far we are managing to do just that.

So, like many other IP's out there,some too anxious to share their news with anyone, it has just occurred to me, in this last week, that we are really having babies -soon. I have every faith in our doctor, in our surrogate, with SCI and we have been blessed with a boring pregnancy, but somehow i managed to put this in a box. Lovely to look at,but didn't really think it was going to happen to us.

OMG we're going to have babies soon and we are so not ready. Rooms to paint, floors to varnish, bags to buy and pack. Excellent, something else to get stressed about- but it will take my mind off the next 8 weeks. So here is hoping, no phonecalls from Dr.S ( please).

Good News on the Family front ( not directly surrogacy related)

2010-12-29T21:12:00.003+10:30

A week or so before Christmas, my Mother was told that she had an enlarged heart with the added bonus of significant heart disease. She was cautioned to be very careful and not over do things . An appointment was made with a specialist for today. My thinking was that if the Doctor believed it to be life threatening then she would be in hospital - right?

This has caused all of us some considerable anxiety in one form or another. For John and i, it was the fear of our children not knowing one of their Grandmothers and all the what if scenarios that go with it. We had a great Christmas with a shadow looming over us.

Today Mum went with my Sister to see the specialist and was given the all clear. No enlarged heart, no complications! Hooray.

Now life continues ...

Tomorrow our babies will reach 28 weeks.

26 weeks and all is well with the Beans!

2010-12-17T13:24:00.007+10:30

There is nothing to report on the babies except they are doing everything they should ( as is our wonderful surrogate), which is glorious in it self.

John and I began looking at airfares this week;leaving Oz in early March and managed to get fares to Delhi with Singapore Airlines for $1300 each. Last year, travel in February cost us an additional $400 a person!

We ( by we I mean the wonderful Shilpi) are beginning to look at our longer term accommodation options for our time in Delhi. This is made slightly more difficult as John has a pre-existing knee condition and we would prefer not to have to deal with stairs, or as few as possible- any suggestions gratefully received.

On the packing front, we are knee deep in Dr. Brown's bottles. We have our baby slings, Phil & Ted's Cocoon's (in lime green), some premmie nappies, premmie dummies, and some favourite clothes. Things in Delhi are so cheap; I imagine we will be buying clothes, rugs, formula and wipes there.

I have received my birth certificate this week, so after Christmas I’ll make copies of both birth certificates and our marriage certificate and get them notarised. We haven't heard back from the Australian High Commission yet, but I have just read on another Blog that things were closing down for Xmas, so we will have to be patient.

Things to do in January: Organise DNA test & visa's for India.

Australian adoptions slump to lowest levels

2010-12-15T08:35:00.003+10:30

Australian adoptions slump to lowest levels
The number of adoptions in Australia is continuing its downward trend and has reached its lowest rate since the early 1970s.

Figures released by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare show last financial year there were just 412 adoptions.

That is compared with a peak of more than 8,000 adoptions a year in the early 1970s.

The institute's Tim Beard says the main reason is there are fewer Australian children in need of adoption because of the growing acceptance of births out of wedlock, better birth control and increased sex education.

He says just under half of all adoptions are of children born in Australia, with the overwhelming majority of adoptions from overseas coming from Asian countries.

"There's also other medical reasons like the development of IVF and other reproductive technologies," he said.

"Fifteen per cent of all adoptions are what we call local, so they're Australian children who don't have a pre-existing relationship with their adoptive parents.

"But then there's another 31 per cent of adoptions which we call known adoptions - they're children that have had pre-existing relationships with their adoptive parents, so they might have been a step-parent or another relative or a carer."

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/12/15/3093425.htm?section=justin

This is why Surrogacy has become so important to Australians.Like many other couples we would have been happy to adopt, if we could. I would like to correct the ABC on one point, these are the lowest adoption numbers since the 1960's.

It is even more heart breaking when you consider that the majority of the 412 adoptions are internal, i.e a step father/mother adopting a step child, which leaves us with less than 200 international adoptions for all of Australia.

There is currently well over 10,000 couples approved and waiting to adopt and many many more beginning the expensive and time consuming process of 'being approved". Most are being told that there is a 8 - 10 year waiting time. After paying ten's of thousands of dollars with the various approval process, most will never become parents and simply drop off the waiting list.

We told Nan!

2010-12-09T18:28:00.015+10:30

This last weekend, John and I did the road trip to Pt. Augusta to see John’s much loved and adored Nan. It was a pre-Christmas visit and John desperately wanted to tell her the news of our babies. For those of you unfamiliar with distances in Australia, it is about a 3 ½ hour ( around 370 kms) trip each way through scrub, farm land and desert from where we live.

My feelings towards Nan are mixed. She is a woman of strong opinions, sense of self and beliefs. She adores her grandson and quite frankly believes he could have done a bit better than marrying me. I was worried about how she would take to the notion of 1) surrogacy and 2)our children being born in India. I know that this is not a unique worry and something that many of us face with our older relatives.

As always, I was anxious (just give me an opportunity, real or not!) about how she would take the news, but more importantly I was worried that with a word, she would hurt John. Just to prove me wrong, Nan was absolutely delighted with our news. She kept on touching John on the arm and telling John, 'You're going to be a father' with the biggest smile on her face. Everyone became a bit emotional and Nan wanted to know everything about Surrogacy ( something she had never heard about before) and this amazing opportunity to have children which is something she always knew that John has wanted.

Nan told me that if it was just John and I, that would be enough, because we make each other happy, but that this was an additional blessing. The afternoon was spent reminiscing over old stories of John as a baby and looking for an old train set that John and his Pop had put together when John was a boy.

Now everyone in our family knows our news (well except for the under 10’s who will drive their mother nuts asking when the babies are coming. They will be told at Christmas). I have put my maternity leave application in to H.R and it has been approved and my position is being advertised for my period of leave. I have applied for a copy of my birth certificate and have written to the High Commission to get the process started. The Testosterone Temple has been build and things will begin to move out of our house to TT this weekend so that painting can commence.

After an eternity of waiting for something/anything/everything to happen, it looks like things are beginning to move along;all in a bit of a rush.

B1 and B2

2010-11-26T00:24:00.012+10:30

It was with great delight that John and i received a surprise today, scans of our babies.They are still tracking well, one is slightly heavier than the other.

Up until recently, everyone we knew said we were having two boys. After seeing the scans tonight,my sister and John now firmly believe we are having a boy and a girl. I think it is just the size differential, but both now believe that one has a boy nose and one a girl nose. I didn't realise that noses came in genders! I just want healthy and +34 weeks please.

I can't wait to meet these little people and let them know how much they are loved. I am trying to let go of the anxiety and most days i can do that, but occasional the anxiety just squirts out. There is the other reality ( the one that doesn't have time for any anxiety). This is really happening and like everyone else in our position we need to start getting ready.

There is a heap of stuff to be done in the next 3 month,adding a window, moving things around ( from the house to the new shed AKA Testostrone Temple),painting, get a built in wardrobe and generally make space for two more little people, so best get a wriggle on.

And it's probably time to tell the cats the news...

20 week update and all is well

2010-11-09T01:44:00.005+10:30

I was hoping to show you all some baby shaped scans, but the babies were not cooperating today. We have, however, received fantastic shots of their heads.
The most important news was the accompanying report which told john and i that we have:

TWIN LIVE GESTATION.
The liquor is adequate

TWIN- I
Cephalic presentation
The approx gestational age is 20 weeks 1 days
BPD- 44mm
HC- 179mm
AC- 144 mm
FL- 32 mm
Weight-346 grams

TWIN. II
Cephalic presentation
The approx gestational age is 20 weeks 0 days
BPD- 45 mm
HC- 169mm
AC- 158 mm
FL- 31 mm
Weight 345 grams

The report goes on to say :
The fetal head shows normal ventricular system. The posterior fossa is normal.
The fetal spine,limbs,cord insertion, 3 vessel cord,KUB,4 chamber view of the heart,
stomach bubble show no obvious abnormalities

BPD - biparietal diameter - width of head.

HC - Head Circumference (measurement around the whole head).

AC - Abdominal Circumference.

FL - Femur Length.

We couldn't ask for a better results, no abnormalities, all within the normal range. I think that John could begin to persuade me to start looking at buying some baby things, i will have to make a time to talk to the Tigerlilies!
Lisa expect a phone call!

Our surrogate, our babies

2010-10-19T23:18:00.011+10:30

I write this Blog with mixed emotions.Today we received some beautiful photos of our surrogate. We didn't ask for them and as it turns out it is something that SCI are trying to do more of, so we can see the progress of our surrogacy.

I know that we are 17w,6days pregnant.

Before i received our photos,i felt that the 'belly shot' was a bit exploitative and felt generally uncomfortable about it all. It seemed to reduce our surrogate to the bits that carried our babies. Now i have these wonderful shots of our smiling surrogate, with a tentative wave to the camera and it's different. She is smiling and looks content and clearly pregnant,with our babies.

Another blog recently posed the question "how does it feel to be pregnant" and there were perspectives shared. As a women,when you tell people you're pregnant, they immediate look at your belly and then i have to explain that i am not carrying our babies and with that goes the ache that i am not able to carry our babies. Some days i can say it in quickly and the feeling rushes past so quickly that i can almost ignore it, other days it is like a lead weight pushing down me down in the place that should be able to carry our babies.

Added to this potent mix is the anxiety that goes with infertility, the losses, the grief and the fear each time a scan is due that something horrible will happen, that we will be told devastating news and it will all be taken away from us.So you build up survival strategies to try and deal with it. The logical side of me doesn't believe in magical thinking nor do i believe anything that i do can influence what happens to my babies in India, but i find myself obsessing over different hurdles.

First it was not telling anyone that we were pregnant because of the pain of untelling.Then there was this road block in my head about when to tell people,if i told people something awful would happen, so i tested the waters, small steps, i told my sister and nothing happened, we moved forward. Each roadblock conquered and move forward. The latest is buying things for the babies. I just can't, not right now. At some point i will be brave and buy that first thing, but for now, i will wait.

I understand why i do these things, to give me distance, to protect myself from what might happen. But today we received photos of our surrogate and our babies. I watched my husband cry and touch the screen gently with awe and longing, kissing me on the top of my head and saying "these are our babies" and i found myself crying as well.It's finally real to me, here are our babies being safely cared for by a wonderful women who has agreed to help us.

IVF kids walk tall ( so i guess this means surrogacy kids do to)

2010-10-14T01:53:00.005+10:30

This article was posted in The Australian.

Sallie Don From: The Australian October 14, 2010 12:00AM

CHILDREN born via IVF are typically taller than those born naturally, a study has found. It also showed that newborn IVF children, created from a fresh embryo transferred back into the mother, also tended to be about 190g lighter than naturally conceived children.

Mark Green from the University of Auckland's Liggins Institute, who conducted the study, said up until now there had been no research conducted past the birth stage of IVF children.

"There's been four million children born from IVF . . . we wanted to see what the long-term implications were," he said.

Dr Green found that IVF children conceived with fresh, as opposed to thawed, embryos, were on average up to 2.6cm taller than children born without assisted conception.

The study involved healthy, pre-pubescent children aged between four and 11, of which 72 were born from IVF using fresh embryos, 43 IVF children from frozen embryos and 94 naturally conceived children. And girls were noticeably more affected by height gains than the boys.

"We've got no real hypothesis on why that might be, we do know that a lot of different things affect males and females in utero," he said.

Dr Green has called for more research into IVF born babies because scientists do not know if the treatment is beneficial or detrimental.

"We need more long-term studies because we know some of the later diseases, such as diabetes and cardiac disease, can be affected by events that happen during gestation, and they don't really occur till the 40s or 50s," Dr Green said.

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/ivf-kids-walk-tall/story-e6frg6nf-1225938381631

John is quite excited by this as we are both on the short side ( although John is at pains to point out he is the tallest member of his immediate family)

We've been keeping a secret about beans!

2010-10-07T22:32:00.011+10:30

It is with great delight that i share a secret that John and i have been keeping for a while now - we are pregnant, to be exact we are 16 weeks& 2 days pregnant with twins, that is Bean 1 & Bean 2.

People may have read an earlier post with regards to sperm quality. Unfortunately for us, after 3-4 days of a high fever during our first trip to Delhi + some medication issues left our second sample truly compromised and we had significant doubts about what was left over from our first.

It was rough, after 18 months of testing and getting our heads around 'my old eggs' and then various obsessions about what egg donors to use, this was something that we were unprepared for.Sperm quality?? Who talks about that!

Both Dr. Shivani and our own GP agreed that this was a short term issue that could be quickly resolved. Dr. Shivani was adamant that we would get pregnant. Everyone decided it was simpler ( and cheaper) if John just went back to Delhi to leave 2 more samples - and yes you can do this in four days, with three days left on your visa.

After John's dash back to India, we tried again with two surrogates and to our great delight one got pregnant. Our beta was just under 400 ( oh dear), this was followed by a sac scan- 3 sacs, two looking strong, one wonky. This was followed by a heart beat scan which showed 2 strong heart beats ( Hooray, thank you God!). Dr. Shivani did a 8 week scan just to make sure and we discovered a late bloomer - damn. We had a 10 week scan ( which we chose not to see) and a week later this was followed by a reduction. Others have spoken far more eloquently than i on this subject. It is enough to say that the week was filled with anxiety and then relief.

We have now moved a further five weeks down our path to parenthood and if things go well in two weeks we will have reached our half way point.I can't believe that we are here.

So, with great delight, John and i would like to introduce you to B1 & B2. As with all babies, very hard to get the right shot. So here they are with two heads together, two beans in a pod:

One beautiful side shot of one of our beans:

We are delighted and in awe of our beautiful babies.
Thank you Dr. Shivani & SCI for giving us our babies.
Thank you Dr. Jolly for the wonderful images.

Not much to say really...

2010-09-22T00:12:00.002+09:30

I thought i should update the blog as some one pointed out it has been a month since we wrote anything , so not much to say really except life goes while we wait.
John's garage is finally approved, but because of the drought breaking rain, all builds are delay.
Donut, the rescue Moggy escaped and was caught up in a thunderstorm. This lead to hysterics in the household (me) and both John and i getting drenched while we called out his name for 2 hours and walked around the block. We have a house being built next door with fencing and John realised that our cat was trapped on the other side of the fence, so after some fairly directed wanton acts of vandalism, some of the fence on our common boundary was pulled open and one soggy cat returned home.
Most importantly, we went to Castlemaine to see the local ballet school put on its annual show. There was one particularly brilliant ballerina in the 6th performance and finale, Laura C, you were magnificent.
Congratulations to the many who have had babies recently, including ( but by no means limited to) Terry & Steve, TJ & co, Trevor & Pete, Mana& co,Greg Mc, Paul & Edward, Frederik & Robert,JoJo& Tim.

Australian mums head overseas to find egg donors

2010-08-22T02:02:00.006+09:30

The Sunday Telegraph August 22, 2010

A SEVERE lack of egg donors is forcing a record number of Australian women to seek fertility treatment overseas, paying as much as $70,000 for the chance to have a baby.
The percentage of egg donation cycles out of the total number of IVF procedures performed in Australia and New Zealand almost halved in the past six years, according to figures from the National Perinatal Statistics Unit.

In the most recent data, from 2007, only 1.7 per cent of all IVF cycles were egg donations, which totalled 952 oocyte cycles.

Denyse Bernstein, a scientist and fertility co-ordinator from Donor Eggs Australia, said her program sent as many as 70 women a year to Greece, South Africa, Spain and the US for egg donations.

The fact that donors were allowed to remain anonymous overseas and could be reimbursed for their expenses meant fertility treatments overseas were a more viable option for women, Ms Bernstein said.

"Draconian legislation" in Australia, including the Assisted Reproductive Technology Act 2007, meant that all donors must be identifiable and it was illegal to pay them, she said.

"We find in Australia that the only people who come forward are known donors - family or friends. It's no coincidence that in countries where donors are allowed to remain anonymous, there are more donors."

The program has a 65 per cent success rate.

The most popular destinations are Greece and South Africa, which cost about $7000 and $11,000 respectively. Treatment in Barcelona costs $16,000 while, in the US, women pay between $45,000 and $70,000.

Ms Bernstein's oldest client, a woman from Kiama, south of Sydney, was 51 when she gave birth to twins six years ago.

Connie Martinelli, 37, from Westleigh, travelled to Greece in late 2008 with her husband Simon after being forced into early menopause by chemotherapy for leukaemia when she was 28. Ms Martinelli gave birth to their son, Elijah, last year.

"I hope he understands he was so wanted and so loved, we would have gone to the ends of the Earth," she said

Interestingly they don't mention India? Well future mothers & fathers out there are other options a bit closer and a lot cheaper :)

Update: The Assisted Reproductive Technology (Regulation) Bill, 2010

2010-08-21T03:51:00.003+09:30

The latest update from legal teams in India who have an interest in this Bill, is that the current draft bill will not be tabled in the Indian Parliament during the Monsoon session which ends next week.

Likely, the draft of the proposed ART bill to regulate IVF/ Surrogacy Clinics in India will be tabled during the March 2011 sitting, at which time it will be debated and go through the formal process of being gazetted to become legislation. (Although this has yet to be confirmed and will depend on the priorities of the Indian Parliament)

It is anticipated that if this does reach the March sitting, that the legislation will come into effect in the latter half of 2011. As with all legislation, it will not be acted upon retrospectively.

The missing member of our family & Surrogacy fairy tale

2010-07-25T18:24:00.007+09:30

John had pointed out to me that i had been remiss in not writing about the last member of our family, Donut.

Donut is a rescue Moggy who came to us via a friend. He had been sadly neglected with no family,kept in a cage for a significant chunk of his life, he was pulling out all his fur and in a fairly bad emotional state.

When we first met Donut he weighted 7.5 kgs ( 16 pounds) and looked like Calista Flockhart on a bad day with a lollypop head, and protruding ribs and hips. He looked seriously weird, with a head like a softball. Now he weighs a healthy ( for Donut) 11- 12 kgs and big. Like most of us , Donut just needed a home, to be loved, have cuddles and be part of a family.Thank goodness Catie, who inherited him was determined in finding him a family

Donut came into our life because John saw him and said we’ll look after him. As with all brilliant decisions, we ( by we, i mean John) hadn’t quite thought it through. Donut was too big for our cat carrier ( the other 3 pedigree rejcts all fit nicely), he weights more than the other three cats combined, kills tinker balls with one pounce ( and comes to you like a lion out of Greek morality tale to pull the bits of plastic out between his paw pads) , shreds the scratching post with his talons in less than two months and his favourite toy is a plastic coat hanger which be bangs up and down the hall way, usually in the middle of the night.

After nearly 3 years our 13 year old moggy has relaxed into a genteel retirement. After being alone for so long, you will always find him with us, with his people. He is quite happy to be on the bed, but his favourite thing is the old key board box. The photo was taken when we were doing a massive cleanup of the study, but Donut stood his ground and wasn’t giving up the box.

What has this got to do with surrogacy and babies? Not much except for the fact that as with most additions to you family, they always have unexpected consequences, costs and dramas , come at the most inconvenient times – no matter how well you think you’ve planned for it. It’s as almost as if there is some fairy tale construct that you have to follow to have your baby or babies.

Reviewing the evidence, to make it work, you need to move house and or jobs just before your baby is due (Xmas eve boys, Humble bees), plan renovations (Vishnu boys, Amani & Co) or do some other life changing event. There are often tragedies and loss on the way, this fairy tale path is not for those feint of heart. For those of us running towards this head on, i recommend a change of job or role direction ( Doing that as is J &Co), studying for some major exam ( Tigerlilies’ did that, so I guess that Coco, studying for her bar exam is sure to get pregnant)or plan some ridiculous renovation in a short amount of time or just move house, state or for those really keen country because your just not going to get pregnant!

The evidence is in the blog’s people, don’t fight the surrogacy fairy tale – it will come back and bite you.

Life goes on while we wait...

2010-07-15T00:02:00.003+09:30

After some rather pointed comments via email, it has been suggested that i should update my Blog.

I’m not sure what to write really, life goes on while we wait. We have a plan of action, discussed and well thought out with Dr. Shivani and we are happy with it, but we need to wait. We wait for our egg donor to become available, we wait for the surrogate, we wait ...

Like many people out there who have suffered losses, there is also a big part of me that wants to keep some of this private, there is nothing like the joy of telling, but there is also great heart break in the untelling. Once you have told people this bit of news, “we’re pregnant”, it becomes a bit like a wild fire and word spreads around so quickly. Everyone is joyous. Then there is the untelling. Me sobbing hysterically, while John stoically tells our family; my boss just knowing by the sobs on the phone. People i didn’t know knew offering condolences. All well meaning, but overwhelming. Each untelling cuts a bit deeper; we probably need to talk more about the untelling business.

There are also the other considerations. I was talking to a dear friend of mine who is pregnant; she is very blessed, just turned 40 and is pregnant with her second child. Everything is going wonderfully well. She and her husband were talking about scans, tests and all that goes with it. They were genuinely excited by each step. I realised that it is the exact opposite for me, for us. I will be fearful and full of anxiety (fare warning Dr. Shivani!) each step of the way. Will this baby keep growing, will it disappear.

So we wait...

And as the title suggests, life goes on. We brought an old wreck of an Edwardian Villa with fantastic bones, fantastic stained glass windows, orignal wooden floors with the large skirting boards before we knew about surrogacy. We have tackled some of the main tasks, we have water, electricity, safe wiring but we still need to plaster, paint and re-wire some of the rooms. The family bathroom is a wreck and used for the cats bathroom and we make do in the small adjoining wet room. Both are full of damp because of leaky pipes etc. We need to something about that.

We also have a couple of garages worth of John’s equipment in storage. I should explain, when we married, John gave up his huge 8 car garage with tiny house attached to come live with me. He builds things, he pulls them apart, he makes huge model airplanes from bits of balsa wood and he loves medium and large format photography. He misses his garage and dark room. This week we finally got approval for his new 6m x12 m garage with double carport. He is in bliss and while i am overjoyed at the prospect of not stepping on wooden shavings, it means packing the smaller garage, demolishing it, cutting a few smaller trees and i have no doubt, more valuable tools, planes and other sundries in my house. Oh joy!

On the plus side it does give us something else to focus on.

Tangible Evidence of Hope

2010-06-30T16:23:00.007+09:30

Congratulations

to our dear friends Bob & Amani on the birth of their beautiful boy Tobias.

The pictures of both of you looking at your baby took my breath away, the video just made me cry.

It has been a long journey for both of you, but well worth the effort. We all can't wait for you to be home.

Hope

2010-06-20T18:28:00.004+09:30

Like many infertile couples around the world, we have faced our share of grief and loss,but it is hard not to feel hopeful when you look at the journey that those around you have taken.

This is not as easy as it would seem. It can be very hard not to fall into the 'poor me' mode or even the 'God hates me'. John is astonishingly hopeful which is why it breaks my heart when he is crushed. I can feel the comfort of laying in melancholy. My only fear is that it would be very easy to remain ensconced in its numbing embrace for too long. I need to remind myself that life happens regardless and you can choose how you deal with it.If you haven't done so already read people's blogs from the beginning and you will get a sense of the scale of the journey that people have been on. It always puts mine into perspective.With that perspective comes joy, when people persevere and achieve.

We have Amani & Bob, with i think their 5th attempt are now on their way to meet their baby, Andy and his wife, Mona and her partner all due very soon. All have struggled with infertility, all about to become parents. Hooray!!

I would also like to take the opportunity to congratulate George on the early arrival of his twins (FET), both doing well and Mooky, who is holding a lovely baby boy in his arms in Delhi.

Over the coming months there will be a tidal wave of babies coming out of Delhi, some whose stories we know ( Jojo, Tj, Christmas Eve boys, Vishnu boys to name a few) and many who prefer to remain in the background. To all of you, you give both John and i hope that this journey we are on can happen for us.

To that end, John and i are beginning to look at our options. We will probably go with another egg donor and surrogate and are beginning to email with Dr. S over what options are available to us. In my dream world, all this would have happened already and we would have a baby at home with us now. In the practical world, we take each day one step at a time, save and plan.

Of course i want everything to happen NOW, but we will have to wait a bit. Hopefully by the end of the year we will be pregnant. Right now, i am looking at all the stories in the right column; for those of you who are trying, you give me comfort that we am not alone and that this jouney is not simple. For those of you who are soom expecting, we are rejoicing in your journey and all that you choose to share. All of these stories are our stories of hope.

UPDATED: Blokes and their tackle or: “Men’s egos around fertility are as fragile as chooks eggs with calcium deficiency”

2010-05-30T15:48:00.012+09:30

The Vishwas blokes were kind enough to raise the issue of male infertility. John read the Blog and told me we should write about our experience because we couldn’t see it written anywhere else. Everyone has a different journey- all you have to do is read other Blogs to see that, but I am still amazed that some people think of this process as some kind of check list, if everything is ticked off then it should all happen – but it doesn’t work that way.

Some of us come into this knowing more about IVF than others; some of us know more about our fertility than others. For the record, we knew that women don’t spawn like fish, that an egg collection of 6-8 eggs is really good, but not all the eggs fertilise or turn into usable embryos. We knew embryos that are Grade 3 or C are less likely to implant and become a viable foetus and freezing Grade 3 or C embryos isn’t advised because with freezing and thawing they deteriorate further. What we knew about was mainly focused on the female side of things, the eggs and then the embryo.

In our case, we knew I couldn’t carry a baby and that I had ‘aged eggs’ but we had always assumed that John was fine and that this would always be the case. We had the obligatory sperm culture and analysis done and things looked good. We had low motility ( 35%), but as we were doing ICSI, it really didn’t matter, morphology was at 55%, so just below normal and the sperm count was at 25 million; all good.

When we got to India things changes; sperm quality and quantity varies depending on your health, stress levels, how much partying you’re doing, how much alcohol you’re drinking and what medication you’re taking. Because you’re making Sperm all the time other factors impact on your production levels greatly.

Who knew this– we didn’t! We never questioned that the sperm side of things wouldn’t be OK.

Prior to going to India, we both had family obligations; we were run down from work and really tired. By the time we got to India, John started getting sick and took prescribed antibiotics and steroids (prednislone). His first sample was Ok, but nothing like what John had produced in Australia. The second sample as it turns out is pretty unusable. Sperm count plummeted to less than 2 million with really bad morphology. By this stage we were both coming down with influenza, with the asthma kicking in, but didn’t know it yet.

Now here is the rub, John has allergies, asthma and just a touch of the runs (An Australianism – but it is what it sounds like, running to the loo a lot!). When John gets sick he takes prednislone. In the second half of our trip he took what he could. Prior to going to India he also took prednislone. Our research now tells us that:

Sometimes glucocorticoid excess (prednislone usage) is exogenous in the therapy of ulcerative colitis, asthma, or rheumatoid arthritis. The result is decreased spermatogenesis. The elevated plasma cortisone levels depress LH secretion and can cause secondary testicular dysfunction.

We don’t know if the prednislone had this impact, but we do know that having a fever and influenza probably did. Did we tell our doctor that we were sick – no, we soldiered on. Did we think to tell our doctor what medication John as taking just before we arrived in India – no. We just assumed it would all be Ok and it turns out it wasn’t.

We are lucky, we have some samples that are fine and some that are not. We trust our doctor to do a bit of a cull and use the better samples when we try again. The Peace Accord of 2005 has got a good work out. Its fine that I have fertility issues, but inconceivable (no pun intended) that John may have quality issues. We are not talking about infertility, just quality issues, but it can have a significant impact on the outcome. Just because the sample you gave in January was fine, doesn’t mean that it will be the same in March.

I can’t say this enough; we had no idea that men’s fertility was so fluid or fragile.

Is John sensitive about this – yes would be an understatement. To be fair, we have had years to work through my pity party and not so long to work through his. Did we really want to share this with everyone – not really.But as another wise Blogger wrote, this isn't a sprint, but a Marathon and if your going to all the effort for the big race, its probably best that you have all the information. Nothing like finding out about that last peak just before you arrive at the 38 kilometre mark!

So, for the record,if you're a bloke,you should know that this happens a lot, we just don't talk about it.If we were doing this again John would probably be on a good male fertility multi-vitamin, eating lots of broccoli, blueberries, cranberries, walnuts& brazil nuts, chicken and tuna. He would keep the boys cool. We would try and keep stress to a minimum and eliminate all other toxins (yes this means alcohol). Just like women, if men are on a small weight loss regime, they tend to be more fertile as well and we would do our best to make sure that he doesn’t get influenza again.

Update
Not surprising, the more you reseach, the more you find out. On a number of IVF forums, the lists are filled with people who have had cycles cancelled at the last minute because the husband has had a fever in the last 3 months or has just started getting fever. The reseach seems to indicate a 20% decrease in volume, motility and quality for each day of fever. Further, there seems to be evidence that not all sperm freezes well.The majority does,but not all

SCSA data showing the effects of influenza-related 39.9_C fever for 1 day on semen sample days contained unprocessed P2 protamine. The data make a very strong case for physicians to postpone ART for nearly 2 months after a high fever
(Evenson et al, 2000).

http://www.andrologyjournal.org/cgi/reprint/23/1/25.pdf

Our data also indicate that sperm parameters were increasingly adversely affected with increasing number of days with fever.

http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/18/10/2089

In a Danish study, they found that:

10-20% of all men, the semen doesn't endure cryopreservation. The cause is unknown. It does not necessarily mean an otherwise bad semen quality

http://dk-da.cryosinternational.com/bliv-saeddonor/saedkvalitet.aspx

Good out of bad- moving towards hope

2010-05-18T17:08:00.005+09:30

I had decided not to write anymore about the losses, the not-getting pregnant, the pain and focus on other areas of our life, but that wouldn't be true to this journey we are taking to become parents.

It has been a tough number of weeks, i couldn't stop crying for days, John tried to fix things (the back door is a mess!). Our respective memories suck - we are in the process of building a shed; we had the required paperwork,put it somewhere safe, but do you think we can find it?

We hated telling people, it was just re-living it all over and over again. I was absent from a huge meeting of my peers because i didn't want lots of people asking me how i felt.

I'm more sensitive to everything at the moment, if people are kind or mean to me, I'm ready to cry at a moments notice. In my work life, i an on the edge of dealing with child protection. I was involved in a professional consult about possible abuse of a newborn. I did it, but had to go home afterwards and spent the afternoon/evening throwing up. I'm lucky, i have a great team, a supportive workplace and the space to work through things.

John had decided that all of this was his fault, that he had some issue with his sperm. He was terrified that he had let me down, but didn't want to vocalize his fears. No-one at John's work knows what is happening, but it broke his heart to tell his parents and sister. The worry was a weight that i could almost see on him.

We moved to our traditional place for fighting with each other: John was a 'Git' and i was 'Grumpy'. The cats equatable shared themselves out between us, as not to suggest a favourite person, as documented in the well established peace accord of 2005. The exception was the Howling amendment which states when i am howling,i will be surrounded by all those who love me for hugs, smooching and a bit of grooming. Although at one stage Donut, our rescue moggy who weighs 12kgs ( as much as the other 3 combined)decided that John has upset me and put himself between us for a while watching John for any suspicious moves. To be fair to Donut, this action may have saved John's life at one point...

In the meantime, we have life moving forward,Chores, Weddings, Rescue dogs, Nephew's birthdays and work. The plans we thought we had were thrown out the window, a hole in our calender. Time to buy a new one.

We received the results of the Karo typing and other tests that told us everything was normal. We don't want to know the gender of our babies. This lifted a huge burden off John, one that i didn't know he was carrying. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who miscarried around the world, we have no idea why.

We are beginning to move forward, to talk to each other about next time, moving to a place of hope. I'm placing a great deal of weight on something that one of the Christmas Eve Boys wrote in their Blog ( no pressure), along the lines that we'd be pretty unlucky to miscarry for a third time.

So like many others, i take comfort in the stories of strength and persistence of people such as Humble bee; the Christmas Eve Boys, Amani & Bob and Frederick and Robert who are now well and truly pregnant after having lost so much( yes,i know you're all anxious but pregnant). I look forward to meeting your babies ( and yours as well H & A).

I'm back to being anxious about choosing the right donor and John will worry about sperm quality. When the 2 WW happens, i have no doubt that the 2005 Peace Accord will come back into play again. God, i hope we get and stay pregnant.

For us we're almost back to normal, just with a few more shadows and aches on our soul.

Chyna has moved into the house to stay

2010-05-13T00:18:00.013+09:30

This post has nothing to do with babies and everything to do with our life.

As some of you may know on the weekend, we gave my parents a new rescue dog. Now she was a bit larger than advertised and not quite what we expected, so it was with some trepidation that i received a phone call at work today from my mother. I had visited on the Monday and called on the Tuesday and things were settling in - but John and i were slightly concerned that we could end up inheriting this long legged beastie.

Chyna is afraid of brooms, mops and anything with a long handle;not to be unexpected with a dog that has been hit. She is a finicky eater and saving the best to last- she is afraid of the dark. She is terrified of the café blinds outside and would rather sit on your lap than do anything else.

My father had laid down the rules:

1. The dog was sleeping outside on the mat.
2. No dog's on the furniture.
3. The dog would eat what the other dog would eat - no pampering.
4. She will be an outside dog.

I returned my Mother's phone call to discover that Chyna was now sleeping in the laundry( in the bed my father made), with early morning visits to the parents bed ( she curls up like a cat at their feet). The night light, brought for the grandchildren, works a treat. The other big concern is that Chyna is painfully thin. Fortuitously they have discovered she likes cheese, milk, cream and rump steak! My grandmother is in the process of making Chyna a few more 'beds' so she can sleep on the kitchen chair and by the heater- because Chyna is 'scared and needs company'.

Our guess is that Chyna is staying and in two days she is well on the way to training her new people to treat her in the style that she is prepared to become accustomed to.

Well done Chyna, your new people's daughter's haven't managed to do that after 40 years.

Not the best news...

2010-05-09T23:36:00.009+09:30

John and i heard from Dr. Shivani yesterday that we are not pregnant. We were aware of the reality of the situation, frosties don't do as well as a fresh transfer and we only transfered two. Not the best of news,not unexpected, but it still leaves us with a bit more of an ache.

John's sister is pregnant again, for those of you who read this regularly you'll know that we were looking forward to going through this together. H is due the same week that we were.A constant reminder of what could have been. I'm terrified that we are back to where we started in 2008, with H giving birth in November and me sobbing in John's arms again in the hospital carpark after meeting their baby for the first time. This time it will be much harder if all we have is this loss.

We will try again, but for now we need some time to get back into our life and to move on from grieving for what could have been. It would be very easy for the melancholia to turn into something else.

So as not to leave you with the impression that our life is all doom and gloom, i should let you know that one of my best friend Robin got married to the love of her life yesterday. It was joyous, full of laughter and lots of fun and for one brief moment Bagpipes. Great food, lovely conversation, John was able to shoot his beloved Bronica and i had the joy of watching one of my dearest friends on one of the happiest days of her life.

Today we finally gave our parents their rescue puppy called Chyna. One of their two elderly small dogs had passed away a number of months ago and they said they were ready for another dog - and here she is:

Chyna is a rescue dog from Whyalla. The local vets do their best to save dogs who are on death row at the local council. Chyna was described as a Chihuahua X - possible optimistic. My parents were looking for a small dog and she is that, but not 'toy' size. Think Terrier x Chihuahua with really long legs. She is very timid, sweet and a real lap dog. When my parents met her they both said the same thing " oh - she's a bit bigger than we thought" and then within minutes she charms them.

Just before sitting down to write something, i rang my father and said, "if you don't want her, we'll take her". He then proceeded to tell me all about what she'd been up to, what a disaster she would be in the garden, how she climbed on his lap and how she was curled up asleep, wrapped in a rug on a chair next to him- all with laughter in his voice. It was lovely to hear.

So the ache remains and we become more reluctant to talk about this impossible journey to parenthood. Family and friends are more cautious, hesitant to talk about anything to do with babies. We have one more heart breaking conversation to have with John's parents. They are currently in rural Greece on holidays and mobile coverage is not great- we just want to tell them.

So, we will fill the gap, the ache, with our life;the mundane, the boring, the joyous and the glorious. So for the next number of months thats what we will write about. Getting on with life,which according to Terry Pratchett, is a good thing to do.

The most beautiful thing we have ever seen is gone

2010-05-03T19:44:00.001+09:30

We just received word that Chocolate bean is gone.

Maybe we're just not meant to be parents.

The most beautiful thing we have ever seen...

2010-04-27T18:18:00.004+09:30

12 weeks, 3 days - enough said really...

Thank you Dr.Shivani, SCI & Dr. Jolly

Frosties are in their natural environment

2010-04-26T00:55:00.006+09:30

Well everyone, as planned, 2 embryos thawed successfully and transfered today.

Our frosties were always in great hands with Dr. Shivani and her team. We asked for two embryos to be thawed and that's what we got.

No losses, great quality and smooth transfer to our surrogate who was ready - the best preparation and outcome that we could hope for right now.

So now we wait and see if one of them will snuggle in for the long haul and find out if Chocolate Bean will have a sibling thats 10 weeks younger. Fingers crossed and sticking dust please, or as John says,'please let the spark of life stays strong'.

Please.

Putting you’re big girl pants on

2010-04-21T22:15:00.005+09:30

… or as a friend so eloquently put it, ‘time to suck it up, Princess’. We are not the first or last couple to have a miscarriage, and the reality of our situation is that we do need to keep moving on and focusing on what we want to achieve for our family, which is having a baby.

We are looking forward to Chocolate Bean’s 12 week scan next week; I am hoping that we can get some actual baby looking scans so we can put them up. With this comes the important nuchal fold test, something to tick off our check list.

John and I have also been talking about where to from here. We’re 43 this year and the plan was always to have two as close together as we can manage, so we are going to use our frozen embryos ASAP. If we get pregnant, this will mean a longer stay in Delhi 8 -12 weeks, but we think it will be worth it. If not, we will try again with a fresh cycle when Chocolate bean is at the 6 month mark.

Luckily for us, SCI has found some great short term apartments which would let us be close to both the hospital and H.C and they come with a cook for a very reasonable monthly rate. SCI help with cots, and other baby items and we can always get additional assistance with a Nurse and family and friends can come and visit.

We have decided not to tell anyone, except those in Blog world and our immediate family of our second attempt, even if we are successful,we won't tell the world until we hit that 12-14 week mark. We are very lucky in that we have both the emotional and tangible support of our immediate family, parents, siblings and close friends which make up the family of our heart and our community.

I know that some of you reading this will disapprove and insist on enjoying the one baby that is coming our way. In advance, we thank you for the kind thoughts ,but that is simply not where we are at.

These decisions are never done in isolation,without the support of family and friends, we wouldn’t dream of moving forward.

We can't wait for our 12 week scan or what our future holds. Surrogacy in India is tough. We're far away, working with another culture who do things differently. We have every faith in Dr. Shivani & SCI and what the future holds.This makes us hopeful.

Having hope and a path forward is good.

Grief

2010-04-14T22:36:00.006+09:30

Thank you everyone for your support and caring words. We are especially mindful that we are not alone in this journey of loss, hope, joy and grief. This whole journey puts us on the knife edge of anxiety and happiness- but when things go wrong, the grief remains, like a stain on your soul.

Our need for certainty, a guarantee if you will becomes stronger, more resolute at the same time the ebb and flow of life is happening around us,blatantly ignoring our wants and desires. Nothing is guaranteed. We become angry at our Egg Donors, our Doctors, the embryologists and the surrogates themselves, as if they conspire against us for not becoming and staying pregnant. We look to the research, the statistics, the journals for assurances, but life and death continue. We had a 5 – 10 % chance of miscarriage at this stage of our pregnancy, yet it happened.

I am mindful of those who have spend $15,000 for a Caucasian Egg Donor’s, or money on Premium Egg Donors, Proven Egg Donors who have produced few if any eggs, of those with the many eggs which do not fertilize or develop into embryos, and those of us who just don’t seem to getting pregnant. The others with their perfect, abundant embryos, the perfect surrogate with the fantastic lining and still no spark of life happens, of miscarriages when everything seemed to be going so well and then it’s not.

Whether your fertile of not, getting pregnant is a tricky business, staying pregnant harder than you might think. I wrote this post in November:

http://havingababyinindia.blogspot.com/2009/11/what-we-dont-talk-about-miscarriage.html

I hate that post with a passion; I want to still say babies, not baby. I know that I am selfish, we still have chocolate bean growing, but our fear and anxiety will be with us always. When I expressed this to a colleague, he leaned over and kissed me on my forehead and told me “Welcome to parenthood- just so you know this feeling never stops”. Fantastic!

Blame is not helpful, it allows us to focus our anger, our anxiety our frustration on some poor soul who pretty much couldn’t do anything to make our baby stick and grow. I hate to state the obvious but just because we’re paying for this process doesn’t make us any more privileged than our fertile friends. Nothing is certain. Nothing is guaranteed. Still sucks.

For us, after blame come why? Why us? Why did we miscarry? Why now? The reality is that we will probably never know the answer to the why question. Our doctor will undertake some tests to ensure that there are no genetic anomalies that we were unaware of, more than likely it will come back as normal. If we want to, we can find out the gender of coffee bean. Right now, we don’t want to know. We have asked the doctor to keep that information to herself unless she believes that there is something that we should know. There is no right way to grieve, we each must find our own path. We will pray and grieve in our own way and hopfully move forward.

Our focus will move from what we have lost to what we have – Chocolate Bean. It should be an easy thing to do, but it isn't.So to focus my mind, let me tell you about the joy in our life, somewhat forgotten over the last number of days Chocolate Bean. In the last two weeks,CB has grown from 17mm to 31 mm and had a heartbeat of 140 bpm. CB’s scan was done 3 days early because we wanted to share the scans with John’s parents before they went overseas. According to Dr. Jolly, CB measures exactly 10 weeks old.

So this is where we are at, the joy and the pain. Not pain really, more like this ache that makes it hurt to take a breath. Less crying on my part, i hope to be able to move around without a toilet roll because i have run out of tissues. I am hoping that John will move out of fixing things mode, because, frankly, there is only so much punishment a back door can take.

So, back to life, back to work - there is only so long that you can stay under the covers.I suppose that is the one advantage of being childless, we can indulge our grief. From now on,i know that our life's calender will be measured in weeks and scans. I apologies in advance for any stalking or harrassing that will occur on our part if a scan is late.

We are hoping that being this scared will eventually lessen, but i have a horrible feeling that the ache will stay.

News no-one wants to hear...

2010-04-12T22:27:00.005+09:30

We had the worst news today. One of our babies just stopped growing.

It happened after our last scan. The scan showed a single foetus without cardiac activity, with a significant size sub chorionic bleed. This was the baby from our first egg collection, our first surrogate, all our first choice- and our baby: coffee bean.

Right now we can’t stop crying. I have to stop saying babies and it’s killing me.

John is walking around trying to fix things/ break things and does anything to make me comfortable. He is numb. We have told families and some friends and every time I tell someone, it feels like I am telling it/hearing it for the first time and it is killing me. The ripples of grief are resonating through out our families and friends -One of our babies is gone.

We received good news about chocolate bean, our much loved second baby – I know that we are lucky to have him/her. Thank God we went with two surrogates. I am so very grateful that we have this lovely 10 week baby, but right now I can't seem to stop crying for its sibling.

I am terrified.

A shove in the right direction

2010-04-07T00:16:00.006+09:30

First and foremost I should state that John and my brother in law ( Neil) managed to put one of the cots together and it even looks like the picture. Hooray!

But the most fantastic news is that some people close to both John and I are pregnant, we almost have the same due dates which is pretty amazing.

It is important for a number of reasons; the most obvious is that we love both these people dearly. The most significant reason, the reason that it resonates for me, is that this dear friend became pregnant and gave birth at around the same time that I found out that I couldn't carry our child and we had very little hope of ever having a child.

Prior to this, this friend and i had an intimate conversation in which we talked of getting pregnant at around the same time. I believed that it was the beginning of a point of closeness between us. When she gave birth, I remember being so happy for her and her partner, but when we can down from seeing them, meeting the baby for the first time, it didn’t stop me from bawling in the hospital car park, with John holding me tightly because that would never be me or us ; the first of many such occasions.

Reflecting back I realise that we didn’t see them as often as we could of, should of. We didn’t stop seeing them, but we didn’t make an effort either. I know that we, both John and I, were dealing with our own grief in our own way.

I’ve talked about this earlier, but there remains a significant difference between being ambivalent about becoming pregnant, thinking that it might be a problem to someone sitting you down and telling you that it’s not going to happen and if you try both you and the baby are likely to die.

As you may have gathered through previous posts, John is enthusiastic and optimistic. Prior to us being given the “it’s not going to happen talk”, he would simply say “it’s in God’s hands” and really believe it. But I have to say that the path that God was leading us to has a lot of dead ends, with journeys down the fostering and inter-country adoption paths.

At the point that our friend gave birth we didn’t have many more paths to go down and we hadn’t told our families or friends anything. It was a very lonely time. I think we drove each other a little bit mad, me being flat and John doing the bloke thing and wanting do to anything to fix it; frustrated that he couldn’t.

Then we found out about surrogacy and a whole new path was laid before us. Not a simple or easy path, but one that we could navigate with the support of others. A strange journey though, one in which often strangers know more about what you are doing, at least initially, than those closest to you in your “real life”. And this happens for a thousand reasons, the fear of loss, the fear that it will be taken away from you, that it’s not going to happen, that you won’t have the money, that you’ll be judged, that you won’t get pregnant, just to name a few.

So, our friend’s pregnancy had brought us back to the here and now, back to the real world. I am overjoyed for our friends and for us. It takes us back to the beginning in which two women talked to each other about being pregnant, having babies and becoming excited about having someone else to share the experience with.John would say that we we’re in God’s hands the whole time, we just needed a shove in the right direction.

Who knew the shove would take us to SCI & Delhi!

Week 8 scan - v.2

2010-04-02T01:05:00.009+10:30

More wonderful news from the talented Dr. Shivani and the SCI Team. Dr. Jolly, the Wonderful Consultant Radiologist gave us our much desired report telling us that chocolate bean is 17mm , which makes CB2 at around 8w,1 day with a magnificent heartbeat of 136 beats per minute. CB1 & 2 both well defined gestational sacs with yolk - so all is well. HOORAY.

So over Easter, we will share the scans and reports with our immediate family.

John remains in puffed up rooster mode. He has absolute faith that all things will continue to go well and as a consequence he had brought two very posh second hand cots, a chest of drawers that doubles as a change table and a book shelf for the nursery. I drew a couple of issues to his attention:

1. We are still at risk of having a miscarriage - "Rubbish, we have the best doctor in the world, i KNOW it is going to be fine"

2. We DON'T have a nursery - we have a box room so full of crap that i can't walk into it - " I'll organise it!"

So, my much beloved brother in law and husband went to pick up his booty. It took 3 trailer trips, the cots are solid and huge and don't fit though the doors. The cots were dismantled and our now in my bedroom and the hallway has become a adventure obstacle course with a chest of drawers and book shelf not fitting anywhere.

Our niece and nephews are coming over for a sleep-over, they don't know about this yet , so tomorrow will be interesting. I'm waiting to see how John explains this without letting on. I asked John if her could put it back together, he told me he could re-build an engine which i agree is true, but he didn't answer the question. On the plus side i know what else we will be doing over Easter.

PS: this is what the cots are suppose to look like when put back together- i especially like the full length drawer at the bottom of the cot!

8 week Scan

2010-03-31T21:28:00.005+10:30

Ok, i know i used this picture last time - but that was inspirational. This is what our coffee bean looks like now .

We got our report from the wonderful Mr. Jolly and all is well. It is still a little thing measuring 14mm which is 7 w 5days with a lovely heart beat of 124 beats per minute. Please keep on growing little one, you are much loved.

And for the record, this week it was John who as pacing and asking "Is the scan here yet?"

We can't wait for tomorrow to see what is happening to our other bean

To meet the surrogate ... or not?

2010-03-27T01:52:00.005+10:30

This is something that John and I discussed, fought and cried over and it is still something that is fairly raw for us.

I should do a preamble by saying that I believe that this is a personal choice, and one that each couple needs to make themselves. I know that there are expectations and variations between clinics from encouraging lots of contact to actively discouraging any contact. I don’t think doing one or the other makes you a better IP or values your surrogate any less, but it is complicated. It’s not something that we talk about, but are more than happy to be guided by others?

Before we started this, I have to admit I was heavily influenced by the American experience in which someone’s surrogate may have the opportunity to be a part of a family’s life. There were glowing Blogs and websites that promoted this. It felt, for a better word – right.

But the more I discovered about India, the more obvious it became that this was a different ball game. It would be disingenuous of me to not say that we were heavily influenced by what happen to another Australian Family mid last year. It was every IP’s worse nightmare. I acknowledge that I don’t know the whole story and frankly, it’s not my business. What I can say, is that it had an impact on how John & I viewed this process.

John challenged me on my need to meet our surrogate. Exactly whose needs was I meeting? We would meet in an office environment, in which they don’t speak English and I don’t speak Hindi. What do I say without it sounding twee. What would meeting us achieve for the surrogate? Do they even have a choice as to whether they want to meet us? What would happen if the surrogate didn’t like the look of us, if we were too tall, too fat, too Gay , too whatever...

So, you do the big build up, meet the woman who is going to be your surrogate and you don’t get pregnant. The next time, you use another surrogate – if you’re using frozen embryos and don’t go over does that mean you value her less? John was right; this meeting was about my needs, my want to have an emotional attachment to this woman who was carrying out baby.

This is an incredible journey, one that is emotional, gut wrenching and heart breaking. Our surrogates who are giving us the magnificent gift are doing this for many reasons, but the main reason remains financial. The money that each receives will make an incredible difference to them and their immediate family. And at the end of the day, these surrogate contracts haven’t been tested in a court of law.

So, in our case we were guided by fear. But in the many arguments, debates and fights but how we would proceed, something else came out as well. I know that i carry my own guilt and anxiety about not being able to do this fairly fundamental female task - to carry our baby. That i have let John down . That my emotional need to connect to these women was much more about me than them. What surprised me was John's own hurt. John is over the moon about being pregnant, he is like a Batum rooster, all puffed up and proud. He is forever grateful to these women for the joy and opportunity that they are giving our family. But what brought me to tears was when he told me that he really didn't want to see some-one else carrying our baby. It wasn't me and that hurt too much.

In the end we were guided by the most independent advice we could find, this:
http://www.globaldoctoroptions.com/meeting-the-surrogate/648

I know that someone is going to ask, so I will just make it clear - Does this mean that we don’t trust our clinic? No, we have every faith in Dr. Shivani and SCI Healthcare and the care that they are providing our surrogates and babies. I am glad that we were given a choice as to whether we met our surrogates’ or not at the beginning of the process.

We always enquire and send both women our good wishes; we will endeavor not to treat them as commodities’. We look forward to receiving our scans. They are in our thoughts and prayers every night. We will take Peter’s advice from global doctor options and if the surrogates want to ( Yes, i think they should have a choice as well), we will, after all the paperwork has been signed, sealed and endorsed, meet our surrogates and give them our gifts which we believe they so richly deserve. If they choose to not want to meet us, then we will pass on our gifts through Dr. Shivani and her team.

This is our choice, feel free to make your own.

2nd Heart Beat

2010-03-19T04:08:00.007+10:30

We just received word that our 2nd surrogate has a healthy heart beat. We are waiting for the scans that should arrive shortly. Dr. Shivani told us that we just moved down the risk scale, with a 85 - 90 % chance of a live birth. I still hate statistics!

Still very early days, but we're celebrating each milestone - each one brings us a step closer to holding our babies in our arms.

We have a heart -beat

2010-03-16T22:44:00.005+10:30

Fantastic News - we have a baby with a heart beat.

The wonderful Mr. Jolly tells us in his report that we have a single live fetus with a heart beat of 99 beats per minute. It is still a twee little thing measuring 3mm which equates to 5 weeks, 6 days.

We still have a long way to go, but we are taking heart from the American Pregnancy Organisation which states between:

6 ½ -7 weeks is the time when a heartbeat can be detected and viability can be assessed. A normal heartbeat at 6-7 weeks would be 90-110 beats per minute. The presence of an embryonic heartbeat is an assuring sign of the health of the pregnancy. Once a heartbeat is detected, the chance of the pregnancy continuing ranges from 70-90% dependent on what type of ultrasound is used.

A long way to go, but a promising start. We are looking forward to further news on Thursday!

Scan results for 2nd surrogate

2010-03-12T00:36:00.004+10:30

All is well.

Dr. Shivani reports a perfectly normal gestational sac at the appropriate size for five weeks.

Now we just have to get past the next hurdle, the all important heart beat scan. John is over the moon and brought his first book, i feel myself holding back for a number of boring and predictable reasons.

So here are the future important milestones in my time frame:

Heartbeat Scan
12 week scan
16 week triple marker test
30 week scan
Birth

A whole lot of waiting!

Please stay safe and grow little ones, you mean so much more to us than we thought possible.

Results for first scan for surrogate 1.

2010-03-09T22:26:00.010+10:30

We received a telephone call from Dr. Shivani this evening with the results of our first scan with surrogate one and were surprised to discovered x2 gestational sacs! One looks good and the other less so, likely to be the disappearing twin syndrome - although it is early days and we are right on the five week mark.

John and i are surprised by this as we had a good 'singleton beta (150) and transfered x2 embryos, the second only being a small 2 cell embryo. Dr. Shivani told us that beta numbers are always just a guide and it always amazes her what mother nature throws our way - which is why she prefers using scans to see what is happening.

We are very pleased and comforted with our decision to go with 2 surrogates, we've made the best of our fresh transfers and optimised our opportunity to bring a baby home. It may sound selfish but both John and i turn 43 this year and we both believe that we don't have a lot of time left to make this happen.

We will hear about surrogate 2 on Thursday.

Dr. Shivani just called us...

2010-03-04T20:37:00.007+10:30

This post was suppose to be about our thoughts on Delhi and the whole surrogacy experience, but now something much more important has emerged:

We're Pregnant (x2)

Dr Shivani just called to let us know that both our surrogates are pregnant with beta's of 150 and 147 - both solid singleton numbers. Hooray!!

We received our egg collection and embryo reports last week from the embryologist and Dr. Shivani's team and i have to admit that i had little hope for a sucessful outcome for surrogate 1 as the egg collection had not gone as well as we had hoped for ( although, John did keep on pointing out that they both were grade 1 embryos) , but i am happy to state that i was completely wrong.

I know that it is very early and that we neeed to wait for the all important heartbeat scan, and a million, billion things can go wrong, but right now we are overjoyed, we're pregnant!

And thanks to George's handy find: http://www.ivf.ca/duedate.php - we're already 4 weeks pregnant ! ( Now if i could only get John to stop running around like a puffed up bantom rooster!)

PS: can i just say that we really appreciate getting copies of the Beta HCG Report from the Pathology service on the same day that Dr. Shivani calls, thanks.

Mid 2 WW and more about India

2010-02-26T19:42:00.014+10:30

We’re finally back home and in the midst of our two week wait. Anxiety is popping up everywhere. I knew about this intellectually, have supported others through their wait; but experiencing it is a completely different ball game. John remains quietly confident and tells me that we will be parents by the end of year.
We have faith in Dr. Shivani and her team. We had the opportunity to meet with the senior Embryologist, and the junior Embryologist who told us, with a cheeky grin and a laugh in his voice that his job on the day was to make sure that nothing got mixed up. He was the bloke who gave John the jar and told him to write his name and DOB and waited in the lab to receive the jar. He dutifully checked the details to make sure that John got them right. The senior embryologist was a charming, kind reassuring man with a lovely face. When we popped in for a final visit with Dr. Shivani; he told us that we made lovely embryos and that everything would be fine.
So to fill up the time and my mind, I’ll add a few more blog posts about India, coming home and Singapore.
AGRA
Dr. Shivani makes available one of her drivers, a surrogacy support person (the wonderful Shilpi) and a very roomy 4 wheel drive to take IP’s to Agra. It takes 4 to 4.5 hours each way. It would probably take less if John and I didn’t want to stop to take photos of Buffalo’s;farm land and other sites that amused us no end.

As with all travel, the journey can be as interesting as the destination. For us Australians, we’re use to open space, freeways without congestion and this was not the case on the trip between Delhi and Agra. There was the occasional parcel of land growing things, but these were few and far between.
Congestion and traffic jams were a constant on our journey. We could still hear the familiar sing song that we woke to in the mornings, but like the people at the hotel, no-one knew what we were talking about when we asked. So now we think we are both hearing auditory hallucinations – nothing serious I’m sure.

Shilpi’s assistance was invaluable in unexpected ways, such as knowing which places have Western toilets and their location, having sandwiches, juice and water available for the drive, organising an experienced guide to get us in to the Taj quickly, and dealing with the swarm of hawkers that descended on us as soon as we left the car.
When you arrive to see this magnificent monument, your first glimpse is across the river and it is everything you imagine it to be. You park the car and then have the option of walking or riding ( by tut tut; camel and cart or buggy) to the entrance were you pay your entry fee. Even if you up to the walk, it’s easier to get the ride and avoid the swarm.

Shilpi organised a skilled English speaking guide who is a history student and knew an amazing amount of detail on the construction of this magnificent monument. Both Shilpi and the guide were amused at our fascination with the monkeys.

Without a guide you will need to be in line for about 2 hours and be jostled about. Once you enter the inner gate, you can no longer use a video camera and be prepared for the mass of people, it’s a crowded!

We sat on the famous, now named Diana bench and paid our pilgrimage to the Taj.

The Taj is everything that you would expect and more, but the journey is not for the feint hearted. The only time we felt completely overwhelmed was when we were swarmed by hawkers. Everything about the trip from Delhi to Agra is amazing and different, the scenery, the smells, the sensation of being crowded happens all the time. Like everything else in this journey, you have to let go and enjoy it for what it is. It also really helps to have a guide who knows where the Western loo's are; brings sandwiches and drinkables and guides you through the myriad of security screenings and humours you when you want to take photos of the odd buffalo or monkey.

2 WW - Here we are

2010-02-21T17:42:00.004+10:30

Okay, here is the news we've been waiting for.
Our first surrogate had a transfer a couple of days ago with 2 embryos. We had 4 eggs, 2 fertilisted and became, according to Dr. Shivani perfect embryos. It would have been great to have more, but such is life.
Our second transfer happened last night. Our second ED provided us with 13 eggs, 10 fertililised, we transfered 3 'perfect embryos' and we had some left over to freeze ( Dr.S is confirming numbers, but we think we had 3 -5 to freeze).So the average number of eggs with the bonus of some to freeze. We are especially pleased to have any to freeze as we know that Dr.S only freezes the highest quality embyos.
We want this to work, but as many others have expenienced, it doesn't always go to plan. Everyone has done everything to optimise our chances and we have great faith in Dr. Shivani and her team. In addition, Rajesh, our host in India went to temple and prayed for us to the appropriate gods and we are in the thoughts of our family and friends. We have also picked up cues from our dear friends Meg and Jo : our room number is made up of 5 & 6 and numbers that add up to 5 = the number of embryo's transfered, the number of embryos produced by our second ED = 6, The hotel is decorated in Burgandy & Olive Green, the theme of our wedding, When we arrived in Singapore it was the last day of the Luna year festival and there was a display to fertility and pregnancy in the foyer and and we were given a pamphlet on the charcteristics of babies born in the year of the Tiger. Finally there was a mix up with the hotel we booked - no rooms! and were upgraded to the Ritz Carlton. When we arrived, again no rooms , but there was a one bed room suite on the club level which was ours - and through the gloriously large windows overlooking the bay and city skyline was the floating platform which had displays, dances and other activities focused on fertility and birth.
So for those who do, the odd prayer wouldn't go amiss, everything that can be done has been done and we are in God's hands now.

Shopping in Delhi

2010-02-19T17:24:00.011+10:30

Today is a go slow day for us and a time to catch up on the Blog while we wait for results of transfer. So anyway, here is one of the most common sites in Delhi:

This is the most common form of transport, the most we have seen on a Moter-bike is five, yes five people, including a couple of toddlers squashed between the adults. Bike ( person powered)with trailers are a common form of moving furniture and goods around Delhi. The most amazing, one guy on a bike with a trailer with a huge, new stainless steel fridge, another was riding around with x2 5000 litre water tanks - the later much lighter than the former.

John and i are intrigued by everything we see, but Delhi is a tourist town and there are amazing places to shop for every price and category. If you lucky, like us, Dr. Shivani's team will take you to places that the local's shop in- you just need to pay for the taxi. If you find one you like, you can hire the taxi for 500 INR for 1/2 a day. Be warned it can be overwhelming,but we were very grateful for both Dolly and Shilpi's help and bargaining prowess.It's funny to watch, the shop keeper will quote you one price, then their is a rush of animated and robust conversation and then the price reduces and reduces again. If you buy some Indian gold, you need a local to take you to a reputable dealer, but be warned, there is no fixed price like back home, but rather you buy 22c at whatever the weight of gold is for the day.

We were surprised that you don't always need help and the range available to us is amazing. We loved Dilli Haat, full of traditional crafts from collectives all over India and a great place to eat, but prepared to bargain hard!

And if you want to escape the chaos and dust, there is always Select City walk mall, with every known brand and western restaurants. We had great Chinese take away from here:

And here is one for our dear friend Robin:

We hear about our results tonight, fingers crossed.